Do Not Make Gavin Angry

Queen of Hearts

2012-02-14T13:55:00.001-08:00

I should have bought a box or something, Karen thought. But it was too late, the deed was already done as her precious cargo set on her lap, growing colder as the train moved slowly back to Brooklyn.

If I ever do this again, I should probably get a car…

No, she put that thought out of her mind, this was a one time only event.

No one had ever hurt her like Derek had. She thought she meant everything to him, but the e-mails from Laura proved her fears true. She had uprooted her life, moved from Ohio to New York City for him, and how did Derek repay her? Setting up a romantic lunch hour at The W hotel with his secretary Laura on Valentine’s Day.

So this is what they call premeditation? Karen thought to herself as she finished checking out at the Atlantic Avenue Target. A shovel, a change of clothes, a leather jacket, a new kitchen knife, and a Scooby Doo lunch bag never even raised an eyebrow. She would have went for a Styrofoam crate, but it seemed unruly, and what would she need to keep cold in it?

Sure, Scooby Doo seemed a bit much, but it was the only bag left in the isle. Brooklyn Target’s are always picked over, so it seemed the only option.

Karen had learned a long time ago that the key to getting anywhere unbothered was to walk with confidence, and as she walked out of the 49th street subway, through the lobby of the W, and up the elevator to the 14th floor, no one even noticed. Sure, there were cameras, she didn’t care, getting away with it wasn’t part of the plan. Making herself feel better was.

So Karen waited in a chair by the elevator, glancing at her watch. Laura would have to leave the room soon, it was already 12:45, and it’d look suspicious if she and Derek returned from the lunch break at the exact same time. Sure enough, the door to room 1412 opened and out came Laura, readjusting her skirt.

She’s a blonde, of course, Karen thought seeing Laura for the first time.

Laura walked over to the elevator, pushed the down button, and gave uneasy glance to Karen. Karen smiled big and friendly, like an alligator who just discovered a school of fish.

You’ll get yours sweetheart, just you wait, passed through Karen’s mind as Laura got on the elevator, and as soon as the doors closed Karen made her move.

Derek was tying his shoes when he heard a sharp staccato knock on the door. He walked to it without looking through the key hole; his last mistake.

“Forget your phone?” He asked as he swung open the door.

CRACK

A sickening sloppy sound accompanied the shovel hitting the left side of Derek’s head. He fell to the ground instantly. Karen looked around the hallway, and seeing no one around pulled the unconscious Derek back into room 1412. Once he was far enough in, Karen closed the door behind her and then she straddled his chest, pinning his arms down with her knees. She pulled the kitchen knife from the Scooby Doo bag. She had made sure she bought the good kind where the blade travels all the way down the handle. Karen placed the tip at his throat and applied pressure, just enough to break the skin and rouse him a little.

“Whaaa…” He moaned

“Hey honey, it’s your sweetheart,” she bent down and whispered in his ear.

“Karen?” he asked slowly, unable to focus.

“Happy Valentines Day,” she said calmly as she raised the blade over her head, slamming it down into his chest. He started to scream, but Karen pushed her left elbow into his throat until she heard something snap.

“None of that darling,” she smiled.

He began to cough, wincing in pain as Karen continued to carve. Blood gurgled from his mouth.

“Don’t worry, it’d all be over as soon as I get my prize.”

Look at all this blood, she thought, red, the color of passion, the color of lust.

Finally Derek stopped moving as she reached into the newly carved cavity that was his chest. She placed his heart into the Scooby Doo bag. Karen then stripped off her bloody outfit, and changed into her new one. The leather jacket, a last minute grab, was a celebratory gift. She cleaned the shovel and the knife in the bathroom sink, then picked up her novelty lunch bag and left, placing the ‘do not disturb’ sign on the outside handle of room 1412.

*******************************

There she sat on the N train, heading for Brooklyn. No one the wiser. Sure Derek wouldn’t return to work that day, but Karen knew Laura would act dumb to avoid suspicion. If Karen were lucky no one would find Derek until check out time the next day at 11. The cops would come, sure, but by that time she would have already taken care of Laura too. After all, Karen would be waiting for her in Laura’s Brooklyn apartment. Karen looked down at her bag. “Got Munchies?” seemed to have lost all of its cuteness as she thought about the contents.

Would the bag even be big enough? Of course it would be… Don’t worry, there’s plenty enough room for Laura’s heart too, she thought to herself, Happy Valentine’s Day Karen, Happy Valentine’s indeed.

It’s Been Three Years, and All I Have is this Bear/Shirt

2012-01-12T18:46:00.000-08:00

It’s been three years and it’s certainly not easier. The pain numbs, the urge to pick up the phone to call lessons, and the memories are a bit hazier, but the wound stays open, always gaping, never healing, not fully.

My mother gave me this wonderfully morbid gift. It’s genius actually, a bear made out of the shirt of my deceased father, it’s a smart way to repurpose something that probably would have gone to good will. It still smells a little like smoke, which is oddly comforting to me; A good (and possibly a carcinogenic) reminder of who my dad was.

Writing about my father every year seems a bit selfish, taking a little bit of a day about the man who raised me and making it about me. I hope I’m not that shallow, but here I am again on January 12th, typing away about how I miss him.

The last three years have felt wasted. Stagnant. I’ve definitely been depressed, and I’m slowly starting to see my way out of it (I hope). Things seem less futile, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll have the courage to take some chances and make some essential changes that need to occur in my life. I hope my dad would be proud of that, I know he’d want me to be happy (I suppose I can hear him telling me to get off my ass somewhere in the back of my mind).

In summary, at the three year mark I’d like to pick up the pieces a little bit. My heart’s still broken, and while I’m always collecting what pieces I can to stick back together, I’m slowly becoming more comfortable knowing that the cracks will always show.

In 2011 I viewed 241 movies for the first time, 80 of which came out in 2011.

2012-01-02T20:09:00.000-08:00

Here's the complete list, along with my ratings (I use the term stuffs but they are represented here by little asterisks. The scale is 1 through 5, 1 stuffs being very bad, and 5 stuffs being very good... and on a very rare occasion I'll give 0 stuffs for the worst of the worst.)

1. The Last Castle (2001) ***

2. Wristcutters: A Love Story (2006) **

3. Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (2009) ***

4. The Extra Man (2010) **

5. I Love You Phillip Morris (2010) ***

6. Somewhere (2010) **

7. Another Year (2010) *****

8. Assassination of a High School President (2008) ***

9. The Proposition (2005) ****

10. Red (2010) **

11. Waiting for "Superman" (2010) ***

12. The Fountain (2006) **

13. Open Range (2003) ***

14. Fracture (2007) *

15. Solitary Man (2010) ****

16. After.Life (2009) *

17. Stuck (2007) *

18. 7 Faces of Dr. Lao (1964) ***

19. Blue Valentine (2010) ***

20. Delicatessen (1992) ****

21. Meet the Robinsons (2007) ***

22. The Illusionist (2010) ****

23. Dead Ringers (1988) ****

24. It's Kind of a Funny Story (2010) ***

25. Animal Kingdom (2010) ****

26. The American (2010) ***

27. Get Low (2010) ***

28. Inside Job (2010) ***

29. This is England (2006) ****

30. Please Vote for Me (2007) ****

31. I Shot Andy Warhol (1996) **

32. On Broadway (2007) ***

33. All-Star Superman (2011) ***

34. Quintet (1979) **

35. Biutiful (2010) *****

36. Rabbit Hole (2010) ***

37. Maria Full of Grace (2004) **

38. Let Me In (2010) ***

39. Look Back in Anger (1959) ****

40. Ben X (2007) ***

41. Megamind (2010) ***

42. Paycheck (2003) **

43. Taking Chance (2009) ***

44. In The Valley of Elah (2007) ****

45. The Adjustment Bureau (2011) *

46. Cedar Rapids (2011) ***

47. The Green Hornet (2011) *

48. About a Boy (2002) ****

49. Dogtooth (2009) ****

50. Little Voice (1998) ***

51. Starter for 10 (2006) ***

52. Cool as Ice (1991) *

53. Waking Sleeping Beauty (2009) ****

54. Ponyo (2008) ***

55. Sunshine Cleaning (2008) **

56. Rango (2011) ***

57. Battle Los Angeles (2011) *

58. Happy-Go-Lucky (2008) ***

59. Chopper (2000) ***

60. Run, Fatboy, Run ( 2007) ****

61. The Sweet Hereafter (1997) ***

62. The Damned United (2009) ***

63. The Boys: The Sherman Brothers' Story (2009) ****

64. Smoke Signals (1998) ***

65. Source Code (2011) ****

66. The Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (2010) **

67. Paul (2011) ****

68. I've Loved You so Long (2008) ****

69. Tropic Thunder (2008) **

70. Big Fan (2009) ***

71. Millions (2004) ****

72. Christopher and His Kind (2011) ***

73. Believe: The Eddie Izzard Story (2009) ****

74. Bigger Stronger Faster* (2008) ***

75. Mystery Team (2009) ****

76. Catfish (2010) **

77. Eden Lake (2008) ***

78. The Believer (2001) ***

79. Insidious (2011) **

80. Dirty Pretty Things (2002) ***

81. Croupier (1998) ***

82. Rubber (2010) ***

83. Nim's Island (2008) **

84. Cropsey (2009) **

85. Faster (2010) **

86. Hanna (2011) *****

87. The Video Dead (1987) *

88. Mobsters (1991) **

89. The Tillman Story (2010) ****

90. Broken Embraces (2009) ****

91. Harry Brown (2009) ***

92. 10 Items or Less (2006) **

93. The Special Relationship (2010) ***

94. Scre4m (2011) ****

95. Super (2011) ***

96. Into the Storm (2009) ***

97. Sunshine (1999) ***

98. Body of Lies (2008) **

99. Ceremony (2011) **

100. Boy A (2007) ***

101. Happythankyoumoreplease (2010) *

102. Elizabeth The Golden Age (2007) **

103. Thor (2011) ****

104. Limitless (2011) **

105. Prizzi's Honor (1985) **

106. The Good Guy (2009)***

107. Salt (2010) ***

108. In The Bedroom (2001) ****

109. Casino Jack (2010) **

110. My Beautiful Laundrette (1985) ***

111. The Beaver (2011) **

112. Sylvia (2003)***

113. From Paris with Love (2010) *

114. One Last Thing (2005) ***

115. Letting Go of God (2007) ****

116. Postcards from the Edge (1990) ***

117. Midnight in Paris (2011) *****

118. Everything Must Go (2011) **

119. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966) *****

120. Hall Pass (2011) ***

121. The Mechanic (2011) *

122. Bridesmaids (2011) ****

123. Bruiser (2000) **

124. I am Comiic (2010) ***

125. X-Men: First Class (2011) ***

126. New Moon (2009)

127. The Tree of Life (2011) ****

128. Super 8 (2011) ***

129. Eclipse (2010)

130. Green Lantern: Emerald Knights (2011) **

131. Green Lantern (2011)***

132. The Room (2003)

133. Win Win (2011) **

134. Layer Cake (2004) ***

135. The Cave of Forgotten Dreams (2011) ****

136. Buried (2010) ***

137. Conan O'Brien Can't Stop (2011) ***

138. Beginners (2011) *****

139. The Linguini Incident (1991) ***

140. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011) **

141. Bobby Fisher Against The World (2011) ***

142. Hot Coffee (2011) ****

143. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 (2011) ***

144. Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) ***

145. Dylan Dog: Dead of Night (2010) *

146. Mildred Pierce (2011) ****

147. Tucker and Dale vs. Evil (2010) ****

148. Operation: Endgame (2010)*

149. OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies (2006) ****

150. Tabloid (2011) *****

151. Cowboys and Aliens (2011) **

152. Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011) ****

153. Attack the Block (2011) ****

154. All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (2006) ***

155. Final Destination 5 (2011) ***

156. Another Earth (2011) *

157. Let's Make Love (1960) ***

158. Superheroes (2011) ***

159. Royal Flash (1975)**

160. Fright Night (2011) ***

161. The Spy Who Came in From the Cold (1965) ****

162. Cassandra's Dream (2007) **

163. Something Wild (1986) ***

164. Basquiet (1996) ***

165.The Pod People (1983) *

166. The Joneses (2009) **

167. Paper Man (2009) ***

168. Looney Tunes Back in Action (2003) **

169. Devil Doll (1963)*

170. The Future (2011) ***

171. Miss Potter (2006)**

172. Before Night Falls (2000) ***

173. Over Her Dead Body (2008) *

174. The Help (2011) ****

175. Drive (2011) ***

176. Contagion (2011) ***

177. Ghost Town (2008) ***

178. The Curse of Frankenstein (1957)****

179. Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed (1969) ***

180. Werewolf of London (1935)***

181. 50/50 (2011) ****

182. The Howling (1981) ***

183. Pandorum (2009) *

184. Black Sunday (1960) ***

185. Bell, Book and Candle (1958)****

186. Batman: Year One (2011) ****

187. The Thing (2011)*

188. Tower Heist (2011)**

189. White Noise (2005)*

190. White Noise: The Light (2007)**

191. Prince of Darkness (1987)***

192. The Last Exorcism (2010) *

193. Burnt Offerings (1976) ***

194. Paranormal Activity 2 (2010)

195. Cemetery Man (1994) ***

196. My Soul to Take (2010) *

197. The Funhouse (1981) **

198. The Ward (2010) ***

199. Paranormal Activity 2: Tokyo Night (2010)***

200. Red State (2011)**

201. The Innkeepers (2011)****

202. Island of Lost Souls (1932)****

203. Bellflower (2011)**

204. Page Eight (2011)***

205. Martha Marcy May Marlene (2011) ****

206. In Time (2011) *

207. Knight and Day (2010)*

208. She's Out of my League (2010)**

209. Moneyball (2011) ***

210. The Ides of March (2011) ***

211. Like Crazy (2011) ****

212. Hobo with a Shotgun (2011) ***

213. The Perfect Host (2010) **

214. Melancholia (2011) ****

215. Stakeland (2010) **

216. Griff the Invisible (2010) **

217. The Skin I Live in (2011) ***

218. The Captains (2011) ***

219. Immortals (2011) ***

220. Crazy Stupid Love (2011) **

221. Our Idiot Brother (2011) ***

222. Warrior (2011) ****

223. The Muppets (2011) ****

224. A Dangerous Method (2011) ***

225. Shame (2011) **

226. My Week With Marilyn (2011) ***

227. Colombiana (2011) **

228. Hugo (2011) *****

229. We Need to Talk About Kevin (2011) ****

230. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011) ****

231. J. Edgar (2011) **

232. The Descendants (2011) *****

233. The Arbor (2010) ****

234. The Artist (2011) *****

235. Metropolitan (1990)***

236. Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol (2011) ****

237. Rocknrolla (2008) ***

238. The Other F Word (2011) ***

239. Bad Teacher (2011) **

240. New Years Eve (2011) ***

241. Sherlock Holmes A Game of Shadows (2011)***

Top Ten Films of 2011

2011-12-30T09:48:00.000-08:00

These are my favorite films of 2011. They represent my opinion, and mine alone.

To start off I thought I'd do a little video element this year. Hope you like it, and the list element follows.

And now, on to the list:

10. The Innkeepers

I am so happy to include a horror movie in my top ten of 2011. This film is really something special in delivery. It manages to mix both genuine scares along with some very realistic humor. I also enjoy how director Ti West has a magician’s craft in the way he lets scenes play out. He’s so good at making you look the other way at just the right time as he’s pulling the rug out from under you. There’s three very strong performances at the center of the film between Sara Paxton’s doe eyed ne’er do well Clarie, Pat Healy’s burnt out and love lorn Luke, and Kelly McGillis’ prickly hotel guest. Go see this when it actually hits wide release; you’ll laugh, you gasp, mostly you’ll see probably the best horror film in the last five years.

9. Melancholia

The worst thing about Melancholia was the treatment it was given by the critics who felt the need to review the director and not the film. This is by far Trier’s most restrained film to date (sounds crazy for a film that involves the end of the world, but it’s true), and it’s a beautiful portrait of depression as an illness, real depression, not just simple sadness. Kirsten Dunst is actually good (surprise surprise) and Charlotte Gainsbourg performance is wonderfully restrained and heartbreaking. It may not be the feel good movie of the year, but it is one of the best.

8. 50/50

My favorite type of comedies are the ones that are genuinely funny, and deeply touching. This is a film in the vein of James L. Brooks, the king of making you laugh and cry. The performances are great (yeah, it’s nice to see Seth Rogan in something good as his The Green Hornet is in my bottom five for the year, also I feel bad that Bryce Dallas Howard has now started to be type cast as the villain), and the direction is pretty strong. It was just nice to see a comedy that put story and character ahead of gross out gags and set piece jokes.

7. The Artist

It’s so hard for me to be critical of a movie that made me feel this good. The Artist is truly a magical little film that sets out to prove that a god movie doesn’t have to have to a hundred million dollar budget, in fact it doesn’t matter how you make a movie as long as you have a strong story and great characters. The rest is just spectacle. Michel Hazanavicius has a good grasp of the type of film he’s trying to make, and while I won’t go as far as saying this is a 100% recreation of a 20’s silent film, the atmosphere is definitely there. This movie is more than a gimmick, and it’s much more than one dimensional film some nay sayers have proclaimed. It might not be the best picture of the year, but it’s a damn fine one.

6. Hanna

I would never have guessed that this film would have made it so high on my top ten list, but here it is. Joe Wright has crafted an intelligent fast paced action movie that *gasp* has depth, and *double gasp* character development. Wright proves that you can still make a movie that is as equally matched in suspense as it is in substance. Sure, there’s some playing with clichés here, the villain is unnaturally determined, the henchmen are strangely quirky, even the mentor played by Bana is a little cookie cutter, but they serve a purpose in building up the amazing character that is Hanna. I’d also like to put in a quick shout out to Sarah Greenwood’s awesome Ken Adam-esque production design which was really a feast for the eyes. If you like action movies that actually make you think and feel, then this has easily won the year for that.

5. The Descendants

Oh man, this movie. I haven’t had a movie wreck me like this in a long time. There’s a ton of factors that make this film special. The script is beautiful, perfectly balancing both the drama and the comedy, and Payne’s direction is as tight as it’s ever been and the Hawaiian setting is gorgeously photographed. But the real stand outs here are the two lead actors: George Clooney and Shailene Woodley. Clooney’s performance here is really subtle, he’s a guy going through a lot and for most of the film he’s fighting a quiet rage that he’s doing his best to keep it inward and not take it out on everyone around him. He plays it in his face, in his movements. He’s really showing off in this film that he doesn’t always have to play himself. Woodley is a great counter point, as a teenager, she’s able to let that rage out, and yet, as she matured through the film, she’s able to process what’s going on better than anyone else. Woodley is a strong performer and I think she’s got a great career ahead of her. Seriously, see this movie.

4. Beginners

This movie brought me to a very different place from the one The Descendants left me in. While I won’t exactly say it was a joyous place, it left me in an introspectively happy mood. Mike Mills has made a film that celebrates life and love and forgiveness, and all the bad stuff that happens in between. There’s some quirky devices used in the film, but they are used in the service of adding to the film, making it unique and not just your average drama. Christopher Plummer’s performance is also especially touching and sweet. This has been a good year for the thinking, mature drama, and I’m not sure I’ve seen a better example in the last twelve months.

3. Hugo

From around the age of eleven I have wanted to be a filmmaker, and sometimes that dream has wained, but Hugo re-lit that fire for me. Hugo is not just a sweet family adventure, it’s also this beautiful love letter to cinema, a reminder that films can be the gateways to our dreams. Scorsese has really outdone himself here, crafting a film that has some of the best 3-D cinematography out there today. This is also one of Scorsese’s lushest works in terms of the mise-en-scène (vocabulary word) and he’s managed to make this very idealistic version of France in the 1920’s very textured and vibrant. So much so that it almost a character itself. The kids are great in the movie, but Kingsley and McCory steal this movie with their touching performances. As I said, I left this film with my passion rekindled, a task that’s no small feat.

2. Tabloid

It seems that somehow this movie has flown under the radar for most people, but it deserves to be on everyone’s top ten list. Morris has done something that I forgot could happen, he made a documentary that is essentially a comedy. I’ve seen this done before sure (the excellent King of Kong) but never so beautifully done. Morris has packed the film with the most entertaining group of people to tell this story. Each one could easily have led the film themselves, but the combination is pure gold. He also uses the editing of the film in some very creative manner to keep up the pace. Morris also does what he does best (and what I think all the best docs should do), which is to let the audience decide for themselves what the truth is. Morris never force feeds or tells you what to think, he merely lays out the perceived truth (in this film, from several perspectives) and lets the audience walk away from the film making their own conclusions. This brilliant and hilarious documentary is a must see for fans of great filmmaking.

1. Midnight in Paris

There’s a very simple reason this film became my top film of the year: the joy it left me with. This film made me feel like no other film this year, causing me to leave the theater with a big stupid grin plastered on my face, and a happiness that lasted for hours after the film was done. Woody Allen makes Paris look even more beautiful than I even thought possible, and he really drew some great performances from his cast. To be honest, this is the first time in a long time I haven’t wanted to strangle Owen Wilson to death). McAdams and Cotillard are great as two sides of the same coin, and Corey Stoll does an amazing job of stealing just about every scene he’s in. Most people think Allen is a pessimist, but I think this film proves there’s an optimist hidden deep down inside, and it’s that optimism that radiates like a sun off this movie, truly a beautiful work.

Honorable mention: Warrior, The Muppets, The Tree of Life, We Need to Talk About Kevin, Martha Marcy May Marlene, The Cave of Forgotten Dreams, and Bridesmaids

And my five least favorite films of the year:

5. Battle: Los Angeles

4. The Mechanic

3. The Green Hornet

2. The Thing (2011)

1. Another Earth

Pilot Apologies

2011-09-30T22:24:00.000-07:00

I would have liked to continued my reviews, but you see, it's Halloween month, so it's time to stop.

I would have liked to have reviewed Pan Am (Not bad, super camp) and Terra Nova (really generic characters). Sorry shows.

Also, watch Homeland, it has the best pilot of the season.

We'll see what sticks around for next year...

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: The Return: part 14, 'Prime Suspect'

2011-09-27T21:40:00.000-07:00

British shows rarely have an easy time when remained for an American audience (except The Office, which started very strong, and now one suspects that it is some arcane demonic pact that keeps it on TV). Something about it being two nations separated by a common language blah blah blah. Prime Suspect didn't even seem like a likely candidate for this treatment.

Starting in the 90's the original starred Helen Mirren as Jane Tennison a tough, no bullshit cop working in a male dominated police department. It's a basic procedural, but what made it work was the stunning performance by Mirren.

Luckily, NBC was smart, and in casting the excellent Maria Bello, the Jane character has found a worthy successor. Maria Bello is the show, playing the renamed Det. Jane Timoney, who's character is still as tough as nails as Mirren's, but instead of being the outsider as a woman in what is seen as a man's game, now she's seen more as an untested cop in a fraternity of detectives (sure the sexism is there, but from what I've heard it's not as overt).

Maria Bello isn't alone with the great casting. Aiden Quinn plays her superior Lt. Kevin Sweeney who plays a tough and yet good natured cop, and Brian O'Byrne playing Det. Reg Duffy, who see's Timoney as attempting to replace a recently deceased colleague.

Sure there are moments where the show feels like just another procedural, but Bello's performance really elevates that. There's a scene when question a child she lets him touch her unloaded gun. It's a little unnerving, but Bello plays the scene with both care and a disturbing calm that a lesser actor may have had trouble with.

The show doesn't pull its punches either. Bello's character takes a hell of beating towards the end of the episode. It's pretty brutal, but it felt real, like the producers don't feel the need to talk down to their audience.

I'd say give this a spot on your DVR, it'll be interesting to see where it goes.

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: The Return: part 13, 'A Gifted Man'

2011-09-27T19:05:00.000-07:00

A Gifted Man is like going to an amazing restaurant and having one of the worst meals of your life. All the ingredients are there, amazing on screen talent with the likes of Patrick Wilson, Jennifer Ehle, and Margo Martindale, and off screen talent with direction from the great Jonathan Demme, but instead of an awesome collaboration, we have the most boring show of the fall season.

Wilson plays Michael Holt, a very rich neurosurgeon who basically plays a younger Dr. House in his curmudgeonly ways. One day his dead ex-wife's spirit (Ehle) attaches herself to him so she can complete her unfinished business. So now that he's haunted by a sprit only he can see and hear, he's going to try and change for the better. Along for the ride are his assistant (Martindale) and his free spirit sister (Julie Benz) who has a screw up kid.

I really wish I could have said this was good, but it was the equivalent of visual Ambien. I have to say this without a doubt, the most boring new show of the season.

Do the talent behind this a favor and ignore it, then they can all go get better jobs.

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: The Return: part 12, 'Charlie's Angels'

2011-09-27T15:51:00.000-07:00

Before I even start to review this pilot, I have to say one thing. If you are ever watching a show and these two names come up, run. Run from Alfred Gough and Miles Millar as though you're being chased by bears. They have been trying to ruin TV for over ten years and they are only getting better at it.

Charlie's Angels is more of a misstep then it is something special. Full discloser, I liked the first Charlie's Angels film. It's fun, quirky, exciting, and it never took it self too seriously. This show, however, does; which is perhaps its biggest mistake. A tounge and cheek reinvention of the Angels might be met with some success, instead we have this tedious redo of the original series (which also, if I remembered correctly had some cheek, but this is severely lacking).

Everyone knows this story, three bad girls hired by the mysterious Charlie to take up extreme detective cases that no one else will touch. Along for the ride is their handler Bosley (he a young latino man to replace the older variety of the original series) who occasionally accompanies them on missions. In the first ten minutes of the pilot, one of the Angel's dies in a car explosion only to be replaces by Minka Kelly, a good ploy, if not for the marketing department advertising Minka Kelly as the star of what should be an ensemble show.

The two worst things about the pilot are the plot, and Kelly herself. I'm not sure it's smart to start your first episode of a series like this with a plot about sex slavery, especially when the show didn't seem to treat it as a serious topic. Also, Kelly has all the acting ability of Katie Holmes, which is to say none at all. She delivers all her lines like she's just trying to make it through to a paycheck.

Also, there's about a reference to angels every five minutes. From the reference to an important angel statue, to a white party that's themed heaven and hell. People deserve more credit than this, they aren't that dumb, they get your repeated motif.

I may have been a bit harsh, but I still say give it download, it may be for you, it just wasn't for me.

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: The Return: part 11, 'Person of Interest'

2011-09-26T19:35:00.001-07:00

Easily one of the best pilots for a scripted drama on one of the major networks. Don't let advertising fool you, this is one hundred percent a superhero show (I think CBS is just afraid of calling it that because that type of show tends to get canceled).

Created by Jonathan Nolan (co-writer of The Dark Knight) he has cherry picked some of the best ideas from the script and crafted a very modern, lightly sci-fi, espionage tinged take on Batman. All the elements are there. The lost loved one, the rich man who can afford all the tools of the trade, hell there's even a scene involving a masked vigilante and a car crash. However, in this version Bruce Wayne is two people, MIchael Emerson playing the mysterious Mr. Finch who provides the money and the tools (and everything else after that makes him more in line with Alfred) and Jim Caviezel as former CIA agent in hiding John Reese, who provides the muscle and the traumatic death in his past that has lead him to fight the good fight.

I actually don't want to give the plot of the first episode away, because they do a mysterious turn (though I was pretty aware of

what was coming) but suffice to say it's a good action adventure show with some light science fiction (Mr. Finch once built a computer for the government that can predict terrorist created disasters, but it also predicts lesser crimes, so he kept a back door open to it, but all he gets is a social security number. No specifics, no time frames, etc)

However, there are some negative aspects. First, there's some repeated mentions of 9/11. That's fine, I get they are trying to ground it in a real world, but after about the second mention it felt a little exploitative. It's strange to use a real world tragedy as a spring board for your action/adventure romp.

Also, and this is a little more personal, but the politics of the show (similarly again to The Dark Knight) seems to imply that the only way to ever be truly safe in the modern world is to completely give up your privacy. Most of the first episode is spent spying on the intended target, as if to say that anyone who expects to feel completely protected should be expected to give up their freedoms (an odd concept for a show with two main characters who's job pretty much relies 100% on secrecy and anonymity). Still it's not a deal breaker, and like a friend pointed out, this just gives more fodder for discussion in later episodes, because there is so much more room for that discourse over a 22 episode season than there is in a two hour film.

My last problem, and it's a very small one: Emerson is so crazy rigid, he moves like a robot. I get that it's a character choice, but it almost got ridiculous to me at points. He's a great actor, and I'm interested in seeing how Mr. Finch develops, but his characterizations in the pilot, they were just too stiff for me.

I give Person of Interest my highest rating, a DVR it all the way. It'll be interesting to see where it goes.

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: The Return: part 10, 'Unforgettable'

2011-09-26T16:07:00.000-07:00

Never name your show something that can be turned into a negative review on it's own, especially if your show is crap. Unforgettable is remarkably forgettable, so see what I mean?

The show is your average police procedural (think CSI, Law and Order, etc.) with one exception, the protagonist has hyperthymesia, a condition that leaves her with a hyper sensitive photographic memory.

Poppy Montgomery plays Carrie Wells, a former detective who spends her days at nursing homes visiting an elderly lady (if you can guess why, well then you've seen other TV shows) and her nights counting cards at underground casinos (cause we have so many in NYC). She gets drawn back into the police game because she (barely) witnesses a murder and yet somehow can solve the crime as if she was there. Also, a former lover and partner works with the NYPD, so she's go that going on too. Also for some reason she can't remember her sister's murder that occurred when she was younger.

I'm sure this made a good short story (it's based off one entitled "The Rememberer" by J. Robert Lennon) but as a show it's absolutely flat. From Poppy Montgomery's flat and bored performance (and possibly the most obviously fake American accent I've ever heard) to the awfully fake stand in for New York City (It might be LA, it might be Canada, but whatever it was, it was not New York) to the stupid blurred sepia vision when Carrie activates her "super power".

While we're on the subject, why do all our cop shows have to involve some element of super heroics now a days? Sure they write them off by saying "No, human lie detectors are real!" or, "This is a real condition!" Sure it may be documented, but I guarantee it's nothing like what is represented in these shows. Instead we get a sci-fi-lite exploitative representation of these very boring conditions. I suppose we can't have interesting cops on TV unless magic is involved.

I implore you, if you hate having your time wasted, ignore this show.

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: The Return: part 9, 'The Secret Circle'

2011-09-20T22:20:00.000-07:00

I'll be blunt, if you are not a tween, this show is probably not for you. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but if you think kids would be better suited watching a show that's actually intellectually challenging, complex shows that feed the mind as well as entertain, this isn't it either.

This is basically a ABC family style reinvention of The Craft, except the outcasts aren't the witches this time, the popular pretty kids are. Because nowadays, there's nothing more important than being popular.

Now I might sound like I'm being harsh here, but this show is just another clone of any other teenage supernatural drama, and it's no wonder The Vampire Diaries (more drivel) is this show's lead in.

The plot follows young Cassie, who moves to a new town after her mother is murdered by a witch (I guy-witch, warlock, a match, whatever you want to call him). Unaware it was a murder she's drawn into a world of cookie cutter pretty girls and skinny guys who need her to complete their circular coven .There's an evil girl (cause she's totally bitchy, so she must be evil) and a nice guy (played by Thomas Dekker of the sorely missed Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles) who is already 'making magic' (what a clever euphemism!) with sweet virginal Cassie.

Like I said, the show's not meant for anyone over 16, no matter what they try and tell you. I'd say if you don't meet that requirement, ignore it!

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: The Return: part 8, 'The Playboy Club'

2011-09-20T20:31:00.000-07:00

It's set in Chicago, not New York, so it couldn't possibly be a Mad Men rip off. Just keep telling yourself that NBC. Honestly, The Playboy Club isn't as bad as one would think, but there's a massive amount of room for improvement.

The biggest issue with the show is the hackneyed murder/mob subplot that hangs over the show, and to the larger extent, Eddie Cibrian's Don Draper stand in Nick Dalton. Cibrian has all the acting chops and screen presence of styrofoam. Here's a radical idea (I know, it's 2011, so it shouldn't be radical) but why have any male lead at all? Why not make it a show about strong women making their way in the world without the assistance of men?

However, that idea must have proved way too crazy so the show has a boring story about young bunny Maureen (Amber Heard, whom I actually really like) who accidentally murder's a mob boss, and tries to cover it up with up and coming lawyer Nick Dalton (the vapid Cibrian). There's also several subplots, a marriage of convince that leads to a not so shocking secret, and aging bunny Carol-Lynne (played by the beautiful Laura Benanti) who is looking to take the next step in the company.

The title of the show is a bit misleading. This show isn't about the playboy club, as much as it's set at the playboy club, and that's unfortunate. There's a lot of plot that could be driven from the

place alone. One concept I like is having a visiting artist from the time period (in the pilot it's the Ike and Tina Turner Revue) I'd like to see this tradition continue, could be fun.

Sadly, the ratings of this pilot based on the overnights were dismal (1.6 adults 18-49 rating), and if the show gets a second episode it might pick up in ratings, but it'll probably be canceled faster than you can say Lone Star.

I'd give it a download, it has promise, but mostly with some retooling.

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: The Return: part 7, '2 Broke Girls'

2011-09-20T17:47:00.000-07:00

I was out to get this show from the start. More dreck from Whitney Cummings? Ehhhhh.

Boy was I wrong. I hate to admit it, but this was the funniest of the new sitcoms I have seen. The chemistry between the two leads is what really sells the show.

The premise is pretty simple: This female odd couple starts when Sardonic Max (Kat Dennings) is forced into a friendship with the newly broke heiress Caroline (Beth Behrs) after she gets a job at the restaurant Max works at. there's some obvious tropes (a guy comes between them for just a second) and some really bad stereotypes (The chinese guy with the broken english, the eastern european horndog, and the soulful older black guy who's straight out 70's TV and cracks wise about rape! I imagine that most of these characters won't make it out of the first season, but I could be wrong). However, the real gems are the main ladies who both have great comic timing (I also enjoyed a side bit with Brooke Lyons playing a high class moron that Max baby sits for).

It's not all gems, there's about one too many seamen jokes (come on folks, this is CBS, not Cinemax) and Dennings sometimes seems to be channeling Darlene from Roseanne (and while we're at it, Behrs' Caroline seems to owe a little to the Fresh Prince's Hilary Banks). However, past that kvetching, it's been one of the better pilots of the season.

I'd give it my highest rating (out of ignore, download, or DVR it) and say DVR it for a while, and hope that the quality doesn't go down.

P.S. It's nice that you're using the subway sets from Seinfeld, but subways haven't looked like that since Jason took Manhattan, update that shit.

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: The Return: part 6, 'Revenge'

2011-09-20T15:11:00.000-07:00

Ever thought 90210 needed more murder? This is the show for you!

So far this is the laziest write up I've done. I haven't even finished the episode because it's so bad.

The show starts with a death, moves into a flashback, then into multiple flashbacks during the flashback. Awesome move right there. Emily VanCamp plays a character with the oh so clever last name of Thorn, who moves to the Hampton's to get revenge on the rich and powerful who sent her dad to jail years ago.

There's a cadre of dramatic staples for this style-less pilot. The social media mogul 20 something, the evil queen, the philandering husband, the ne're-do-well boy who doesn't have money, and the rich son with addiction problems.

It's an all by the numbers Dynasty rip off with a Confucius quote to start things off as though it's Kill Bill.

Madeleine Stowe, get off this show before it sinks you like the Titanic.

Revenge premieres tomorrow night, but I lean heavy on the Ignore side!

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: The Return: part 5, 'Free Agents'

2011-09-20T14:04:00.000-07:00

Free Agents biggest problem is tone. It's not sure what it wants to be and it seems to be taking that out on the audience. Does it want to be a laugh out loud comedy that occasionally ventures into the absurd? Or does it want to be a witty, sharp tongued comedy that occasional exposes its fragile heart? It is possible to do both, but it needs to either pick one, or work more on a balance.

Hank Azaria plays Alex a recently divorced advertising agent who hooks up with Helen (Kathryn Hahn) who's fiance died just a year ago. Also, they're co-workers. That's it, that's the simplest premise possible. Now comes all the other stuff: They work with three incredible archetypal caricatures, the sleazy guy, the idiot, and the cold bitch. None of these characters are remotely funny or interesting.

In fact the only break out performance of the show was Buffy alum Anthoey Stewart Head as the head of the ad agency. He plays a creep, but he pulls it off with a wink and smile that seem genuine, and because of that, you want to like him.

If the show is to last, it has miles to go before it can rest. I'd say jettison the three stooges (or at least make them human), increase the banter, and the screen time for Anthony Stewart Head. Give this a download, you may like it.

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: The Return: part 4, 'Up All Night'

2011-09-20T12:51:00.001-07:00

Full disclosure, I love this cast. The combination of Christina Applegate, Will Arnett, and Maya Rudolph should be comedy gold. Hopefully it will get there. Pilot's are a tricky thing, you have a set things up, introduce all the characters, get people comfortable, and layout future story lines. It's not easy, and when it's well done well it can hook an audience right away.

I'd say this show did a passible job. As I said before the cast is great, it just wasn't funny enough to handle the talent behind it.

The plot's pretty simple. Applegate plays Reagan, a thirty something workaholic who has just had a baby with stay at home dad Chris (Arnett). Reagan also works for an Oprah/Ellen like daytime talk show hosted by her best friend Ava (Maya Rudolph) who is inept when it comes to dealing with real life.

Like I said, the show isn't bad, it just needs to pump up the laughs as far as being a sitcom, and also making Arnett the straight man of the show is wasting his comic genius a bit. Not that I don't want to see him grow as an actor, it's just it might help the laugh factor (along with toning down all the aww isn't the baby adorable jokes)

It may not have a spot reserved on your DVR yet, but definitely give it a download and see if it's for you.

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: The Return: part 3, 'Ringer'

2011-09-20T12:10:00.000-07:00

I expected more from the return of Sarah Michelle Gellar to television, but perhaps that's where I screwed up.

Ringer's not terrible per say, it has a very capable cast of people stuck doing pretty mundane things, well all except SMG who is doing The Parent Trap -esque double duty by playing both halves of a pair of twin sisters. This is one of the major failures of the show, as SMG can't seem to make her performance any different for either sister.

The show is set up to be a thriller, and has probably the most convoluted plot I've ever seen a pilot try an pull off: SMG plays Bridget, a girl on the eve of testifying against a mobster, who runs away to rekindle an estranged relationship with her twin Siobhan (dumb name). She's with her just long enough to go on the worst green screened boat ride in the history of television where Siobhan disappears, and Bridget decides to take her place. There she lives with her unhappy husband (Ioan Gruffudd), avoids her lover (Kristoffer Polaha) calls her real boyfriend (Mike Colter) and lies to the law enforcement after her (Nestor Carbonell), who I'm sure she'll be boning by episode 5; if the show makes it that far.

All that complication, plus a completely not surprising twist ending (I won't spoil it,I'll let the first five minutes of the show do that for you if you choose to watch), and the shows biggest problem becomes apparent: There's nothing to care about here. The pilot spends so much times setting up premise after premise after premise, it never lets up for the audience to decide if they like anyone on the show.

The second episode airs tonight, and while there has been a bit of a negative trend here, I say ignore it.

P.S. Cool it with the mirrors, we get it!

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: The Return: part 2, 'The New Girl'

2011-09-20T11:07:00.000-07:00

I've never had a problem with Zooey Deschanel. I do feel I've seen her in things where she's put more effort into playing a character than others, but when she wants to put on a performance, I think she's fine.

This is place where she's decided she doesn't have to put on a performance. The New Girl is loud, obnoxious, and as socially inept as the title character. Trading on tired stereotypes for the supporting cast members and constantly winking at the audience with a sly "isn't she oh so quirky?" glance.

The plot follows a newly single girl who moves in with three strangers after catching her boyfriend cheating on her. Her roommates are the stockiest of stock characters (A douche, a jock, and the sensitive one awww).

The problem (besides everything) is that the show wants you to notice how quirky it is (see, quirky again), and it makes it's characters so inhuman in the process, you wonder how they function at all (after watching the show I was surprised Zooey's character had a boyfriend before, how did he deal with her non stop annoyance?)

Also, don't even get me started on the running gag that is the douche bag jar (comedy gold!).

The pilot premieres tonight, but I say go see a movie instead and ignore this.

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: The Return: part 1, 'Whitney'

2011-09-18T07:17:00.000-07:00

*Gavin's note: If I'm going to do this again this year, unfortunately the reviews might be a bit shorter. It's just easier for me, and for you. With that, on with the show:

Whitney is the first truly painful experience of the pilot season. Full disclosure: I don't care for Whitney Cummings anyways, so I came in a little biased. But this sitcom is truly awful, completely generic, and full of unlikeable characters that are trying so desperately hard to be funny that it becomes embarrassing.

The basic premise is, well, basic. Whitney and her long term boyfriend are traversing the relationship road, dealing with the fact that they've been together so long without getting married.

The jokes are tired. Guys joke about how they're not meant to be monogamous, the ladies joke about how looking slutty means you're a Kardashian. Topical!

I do respect that Whitney is filmed before a live studio audience, and while it's a harkening back to a more classic style of sitcom, it's so intrusive on the extremely unfunny jokes that it almost moves into the realm of the surreal. Is the show deep enough to be some sort of unfunny experiment? I doubt it.

Just awful. Ignore it!

Untitled

2011-09-11T10:58:00.000-07:00

My mother never wanted me to move to New York City. It's not that she didn't want me to succeed, or that she wasn't supportive of me following my dreams, it's just always scared her. She'll never say it of course, but she's about as easy to read as a six year old playing poker.

As we are experiencing a decade of the post 9/11 reality we live in, that maternal protective sense has kicked back into high gear. She called me on the phone last night crying, scared that the subway ride to work on Sunday wouldn't be safe. I told her I'd be fine, and that people have to be able to live their lives regardless of the day.

Everyone has a story about where they were, and while it doesn't always seem important, it helps contextualize the situation. I was in a special theater arts oriented program that excused me from the first half of the school day my senior year of high school. Located far from my actual school, the other students and I we're watching Crimes of the Heart, studying it as an exercise. Suddenly a woman frantically swept into the black box theater that served as our class room, informing us that a plane had hit the World Trade Center. The father of one of the girls in the class was supposed to be working there that day, and luckily he had stayed home. The second plane hit, and we were told to head home. It kept my radio glued to NPR during that half hour drive, and while most of it was a blur, what I remember next was being home and hugging my three year old niece.

I didn't have to return to my actual school, I mean, who could blame me if I hadn't? In fact, my mom was against that decision too, but I'm stubborn and wanted to go back there. It's odd really. I just wanted to make sure the friends I cared about were alright. Most of those people are strangers to me now. It's better for them that way, better for me.

It was that year I decided that my upstate home town was strangling me. I went away to college for four years, and after I moved home for a year. I knew it would be temporary because if I stayed in that little town, it would have destroyed me. NYC presented itself as an option, and I took it without ever looking back.

A lot has changed over the past four years. My father died, my sister has welcomed two beautiful kids into this world, I've laughed a lot, cried a lot, time has passed. One constant has remained though: my mother's fear for me. She calls me, I call her, all in this ritualistic back and forth to prove I'm ok. I don't mind, not one bit to be honest. She's a mother, and that's what they do.

I can't live like that though. I can't live in a constant state of worry about what's going to happen, if I'm going to be safe. That's not life. No one should live that way. Perhaps that's the message I want to send. Don't be afraid. No one knows what's going to happen, and you can't plan for everything, so it's important that you not let those images, those feelings, stop you from what you have to get done in your life.

Writing about 9/11 feels… well like the most selfish thing in the world to be honest. To make it personal, to make it about oneself, feels wrong. On the other hand, everyone has a story. Directly affected or not, everyone felt that impact, they experienced it. Unfortunately all we can do is remember; remember life without fear, and carry on.

So as I get ready to head into Manhattan to work, while the melancholy submerges the city, I will do my best to carry on, just as everyone else is in the city. Living in remembrance, living in hope, but not living in fear.

2011-06-24T23:14:00.001-07:00

“If I had to guess which person in this building has had plastic surgery, you would be the last on the list” - An actual quote about a co-worker this week.

Pro-tip everyone, never pretend you actually know someone. Never tell someone you can’t imagine them doing something. Never tell someone that you would never guess they are capable of something because you have pigeon holed them into a something so much smaller.

And don’t let anyone treat you that way either.

Everyone is capable of so much more than you can imagine. Even yourself.

The "Root" of my Problem

2011-02-23T06:43:00.001-08:00

I don't care much for dentists. Not a shocking thing, I'm sure. In fact I don't know anyone that can say they truly love going to the dentist (except perhaps Bill Murray and Jack Nicholson).

You see, I broke a tooth four years ago (molar 19 to be exact) on a taquito my mom bought at some sort of church fundraiser she was passing on the way home from work one day. Smash cut to four years later, the tooth I thought was dead came back with a vengeance. About two weeks ago, the tooth began to throb, and while I am no stranger to odd body pains, I realized that it was about time to put my dental insurance to work and finally deal with it.

This became a decision I immediately began to regret when the dentist said I would need root canal. Still, if I was ever going to stop taking eight extra strength Advil a day, I'd need it done. So, my kindly old asian doctor referred me to a specialist (yes, root canal specialists exist) who would be able to get me in and out no problem.

I can say that the doctor he refereed me to was nothing but 100% professional and talented at what she does. However, fear tends to magnify whatever is going on no matter how small. For instance, upon walking into the office I glanced upon the tools that would be used in the procedure. I'm sure they are the average set, but to me they looked like the twisted master works of the Marquis de Sade and David Cronenberg. The doctor, who was simply eager to start on her procedure, had me in the chair with an absurdly long syringe in my gums in less than five minutes. I suppose if you jam it in fast enough, shock replaces pain as the first reaction. Once my face was sufficiently numb, she laid me back and began the procedure.

I would say in half an hour I must have had twenty different drills in my mouth. Each one makes it's own unique and distinctive whirring noise. The bigger ones make a deep brooooooooomm, and the tiny ones go for the high pitched zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. It was like having a symphony of horror composed just for me inside my own cranial opera house.

Every minute or so my dentist would yell at me with her thick Russian accent, "Open your mouth!", which became more and more difficult as pieces of my tooth and liquid began to seep down my throat. I tried not to swallow, but it became impossible because, well, I had to continue breathing. That heavy viscus liquid composed of newly drilled chunks of calcium, saliva, and whatever else they were using was perhaps the worst thing I've ever tasted. Imagine a mixture of melted aspirin, nails, chlorine, and the fiery brimstone that might only be found in the anus of Satan himself… and even then that might be putting it lightly.

Finally there was one last go around with some sort of tiny titanium pick seemingly used only for mountain climbing. Its scraping released a sonic storm inside my mouth as though it had awoken several hundred tiny bats from their thousand year slumber. And with that it was over. I had temporary filling, a prescription for some pain killers, and I was out the door and back on the subway.

Now here I am, six hours later, drugged up and feeling like crap. On the plus side, I can run my tongue over the left side of my mouth without being stabbed by a jagged piece of left over tooth. On the minus, the pain only seems to have gotten worse, even with meds. However, I imagine the pain will pass, but I bet one thing will remain the same: I don't care much for dentists.

A picture of a picture

2011-01-12T21:04:00.001-08:00

At the year two mark, I've forgotten the sound of my father's voice. Sure, i can call home and listen to the answering machine (my mother kept his out going message), but there's a mechanical hum, a distortion that plays a constant reminder; he's not here, this isn't real, he's not here.

I realized shortly after he died that I didn't really have many pictures of him. My mom has a great many, but truthfully, I don't have a single one here in the city with me. What makes it worse is the fact that he had visited me less than a month and half before, his first trip to Manhattan, and we had not taken a single photo together. Not one.

This photo sits on a table near the foot of my mother's bed. It's been placed on top of a box containing my father's urn, in front of a set of baby photos of me, my sister Nicole's engagement photo, my sister Melissa's first photo when she got out of the hospital after she was hit by a car when she was six, and a school picture of my niece Téa. I took a quick snap of it with my home while I was home for the holidays, but I also realized looking at it today (I hate anniversaries) that it makes a good metaphor.

As time passes, I lose more and more of my father: I can't hear his laugh, I can't make out the sound of him yelling at the cats to get off the table, I can't smell his familiar scent of old spice after shave and cigarettes, or feel his beard as he hugs me goodbye as I get on a train to the city. He's slowly just becoming a picture or a picture, of a picture. The memories decrease in quality, until I realize there's nothing there anymore.

Top Ten Films of 2010

2010-12-31T21:42:00.000-08:00

These are my favorite films of 2010. They represent my opinion, and mine alone.

10. I Am Love

I was torn about including this on the list. but upon rethinking, I think this makes an excellent capper. I Am Love is a tragedy about love, social status, and truth. Beautifully directed by Luca Guadagnino, Tilda Swinton is radiant in a way I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her before. She also has the added difficulty of acting in not one, but two languages that she learned specifically for the film (Italian and Russian). The rest of the cast is also fantastic, but the real star of the film is Italy itself, beautifully photographed by Yorick Le Saux. He makes every landscape, every interior, look like a gorgeous painting that pops from the screen. Sure, the ending is a little heavy handed, and the film has moments where it straddles the line of genuine emotions and artistic pretension, but neither of these things weigh down the film, and it ends up being both sumptuous and meaningful.

9. True Grit

It’s nice to see The Coen Brothers tackle a full on period western. Now there’s a not a great deal reason for me to bring up the original True Grit, so setting that aside I can say this is an impressive western that feels right at home with the Coen Brothers catalog. Roger Deakin’s cinematography is gorgeous, especially when the characters reach the sprawling landscapes beyond the small western towns. Sure the film has it’s dark moments (like every good western should), but there’s also that wry humor that seems to sneak into all Coen Brothers films. Hailee Steinfeld pulls an impressive performance, demanding attention whenever she’s on screen with her well spoken and disturbingly calm Mattie Ross. Playing against a Jeff Bridges as the disgruntled and drunken Rooster Cogburn and Matt Damon as the buffoon Mr. LaBoeuf is not easy feet either, and yet she really steals the show. Josh Brolin is criminally underused as Tom Chaney, and the end of the film seems to have split the audience (some finding it lacked closer, me, I like it when everything is not wrapped tightly in a bow), still the Coen’s have made an entertaining revenge flick that manages to be both silly and serious.

8. Life During War Time

Todd Solondz is a polarizing figure when it comes to filmmakers, and to be blunt, his films are not palatable for everyone. However, what I admire about him is his honesty. I’m not sure there was a more honest film out there this year than Life During War Time. While this is a sequel to Happiness (one with a 100% different cast, a stunt that I felt torn about) it’s not wholly necessary to have seen the first film. The new faces making up the massive ensemble breathe life into this dark tale of anxiety, depression, and basically what it’s like living in our current world to the big screen without pretension or a hint of irony. Perhaps the movie isn’t as technically strong as the others on this list, but what it lacks in style it makes up for in realism. Plot isn’t emphasized here either, traded for a dissection of the human condition, and I do mean human, not character. Solondz is not anwhere near as shocking as he has been in the past, but shock value doesn’t feel like the aim of this film, as he has put aside some of the more abstract ugliness of our world for a more everyday ugliness. It’s a black mirror that Solodnz hold up to our world with his films, and yet for some reasons there is such a catharsis that occurs in the end for the audience.

7. The King’s Speech

Finally, a film on the list for the old man in me! All kidding aside, The King’s Speech is a nice little film that is carried by strong performances from an impressive ensemble cast. Geoffrey Rush charms an eccentric voice therapist, and Colin Firth manages to play both lion and lamb as the vocally impaired temperamental King George VI. It’s not just these two either, as the rest of the cast (Derek Jacobi, Helena Bonham Carter, Michael Gambon, and Guy Pearce among others) really bring their A game to characters who could easily have melted into the background under lesser performers. David Seider’s stiff upper lip infused screen play brings a certain strength to the portrait of a nation on the brink of war, and Tom Hooper’s close up driven direction adds an unconventional element not often seen on the big screen. The King’s Speechis this year’s expensive little film that could, though it has a lot of competition ahead of it for those who think it has a shot of winning the big prize at this years Oscar’s.

6. Scott Pilgrim Vs The World

How does a film that I wasn’t even sure I liked the first time I viewed it make it this far up on my top ten of the year? Simple, it grew on me. The film didn’t sit well with me at first because it frankly felt incredibly shallow (something well hidden by the source materials ability to expand upon it’s characters). However, I never had a problem with Edgar Wright’s direction. He has such a fast paced and vibrant style it brought an element to the movie that might have been lost under the direction of someone else. The films cartoony sensibility is absolutely like nothing that has ever been seen on the screen before, and what I will say about practical effects over cg in Inception goes double for this as Edgar Wright was able to pull off several impressive looking moments on the screen with wire work and camera tricks, while computer generation was used to enhance the other worldliness of the video game inspired universe Scott Pilgrim inhabits. The film deserves all the cult praise that being heaped on it, and what once was an eh film for me, has become a film I can pretty much watch whenever I get bored. Well Done Mr. Wright, well done indeed.

5. The Ghost Writer

This movie will divide people based on the director alone. However, pushing the controversy surrounding Roman Polanski aside, The Ghost Writer is an impressive thriller of a Hitchcockian calibre. If Scorsese’s Shutter Island is made as an homage to Hitchcock, The Ghost Writer is deftly crafted to be the movie Hitchcock would make if he were still alive. Bold words, I know. Olivia Williams pulls the best performance in the film, though the rest of the cast is nothing to shake a stick at (though Kim Cattrall’s faux accent leaves something to be desired). The film has a twisting and turning conspiracy driven narrative that keeps the audience on it’s toes from start to finish (clever eyed viewers might disagree though), and the setting on a secluded New England island helps drive the paranoia home. Perhaps with everything going on with Polanski, it would be good time to retire. After all, this film would make a great coda to his career a filmmaker.

4. Inception

It’s hard to write anything about this film, as it’s probably the most talked about movie of 2010. I mean, how many things can be said that haven’t already. Beautifully directed (though Nolan has still yet to prove himself as “the New Kubrick” to me, as many have seemingly dubbed him), great performances from the majority of the cast, and amazing production design make this film quite the impressive spectacle. Nolan proves that while CG can enhance a film, it’s still not an adequate replacement for physical effects such as the beautiful ones on display in this film. If I had one complaint, it might have to do with the writing, especially for Ellen Paige’s (very on the noise named) character Ariadne. She gives a passable performance in a role who’s only real function is to move the plot along from point A to B etc. Still the movie is both impressive in scope and story, and yes it will probably end up seeming over hyped to some people, but such in the nature of opinion.

3. Toy Story 3

How many great third films do you know? (If you said Goldfinger, you win a kiss). This almost almost almost made the top of my list. I can’t think of a more cathartic experience I had in the theaters this year. Yes, it’s smaltzy, yes it’s sentimental, but that’s become the thing that Pixar does best. They are ale to reach inside your chest and squeeze those emotions out of you. Most studios think that what makes their CG animated films well made has to do specifically with the look of their movies. While film is a visual medium (and lets face it, Pixar has never skimped on the visually stimulating portion of their jobs), strong story telling is what makes a movie really impressive. Toy Story 3 spans genres, being simultaneously a sentimental tale about growing up, an exhilarating jail break film, and a hilarious all ages comedy. To me, Pixar’s track record has been almost impeccable, so it’s disappointing that their next release is a sequel to Cars. Oh well, guess I can take 2011 off from them.

2. Black Swan

To be honest, I haven’t seen a movie that unnerved me as much this year. It’s not that it’s all that disturbing, but it actually made me question bits of my own reality. Aronofsky’s direction is very fluid, and his ability to pull such a delicate and dark performance from Natalie Portman should be commended (seriously, just look at the scene where Portman calls Barbara Hershey from the bathroom stall. Portman deserves an Oscar for that alone). The paranoia builds as the movie moves with a dancers grace towards it’s climax. Yes there are some melodramatic scenes, and there are some silly ones. I felt these are used to point out the reality of what’s happening, a counter point to the more fantastical moments if you will. My one complaint would be that some of the transformation stuff could have been pulled back a bit when it strays into the realm of looking a bit silly, but that’s a minor gripe. Truly a beautiful and dark film that will stay with you well after you leave the theater.

1. The Social Network

It’s hard not to love this film. The collaboration that makes up the movie is so utterly impressive. From Fincher’s direction, Sorkin’s sharp snarky script, the dark synth heavy score by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross and the many other people who worked behind the scenes (I really could go on, I’m sure the people who catered this film would impress me), the film manages to achieve this almost hypnotic state at points. Sure there has been some controversy over the dramatization of actual events, but that’s every movie that’s made based on actual events. Also I know the film has received a lot of flack because of the subject matter. Yes it’s a movie about the founding of Facebook, but I have yet to hear from anyone why that’s such a bad thing? Sure, it’s not a civil war epic, and there weren’t any exciting car chases, but that doesn’t make the film any less valid. It’s not a big film, but it’s a film that told a good story and In a year of wild dreams, fantastical talking toys, amazing fight choreography, and wild west gun battles, it’s nice to see a film that didn’t have any of that still end up as riveting and suspenseful as those that do. Well done.

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: Part 9, Detroit 187

2010-09-28T18:03:00.000-07:00

This is the first pilot I turned off midway through. Sorry I couldn't help it, it was really just that awful (and as you may have read, I've sat through a lot of awful).

This is basically a super run of the mill cop procedural, but it attempts to set itself apart by being shot in a documentary format. To be honest, it's the only attempt the show does to try and set itself apart from NYPD Blue, or any other cop drama in the last twenty years.

What's worse, is that it cherry picks what it can from the doc genre, choosing stupid elements like labeling the cases every time it shifts back and forth between the two cases the cops are working on through out the pilot. As if the people watching are too stupid to notice we are now with two completely different sets of characters.

They also want the show to look expensive, so instead of getting angles that in reality would only work in fiction, they stick to the documentary theme. Instead of docudrama, you end up with the cop equivalent of The Hills.

The show stars Michael Imperioli, who is a great actor and I wish him all the best, but this is not the best. His story involved solving the murder of two people in a pharmacy, while having to deal with a new rookie cop who's wife is expecting. It wasn't entertaining, and at no point did I ever feel for the victims or the cops involved.

I finally quit watching when Imperioli gets a testimony from a witness by merely staring at him for an hour. Yes, that actually happened. I'm sure the writer thought this scene was soooo clever, and that everyone at the studio felt it was just precious, but truthfully it's embarrassing.

The second episode airs in a little under an hour, and I highly advise you to ignore it.

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: Part 8, The Defenders

2010-09-28T17:19:00.000-07:00

Dirtbag Lawyers: the series!

I really really really wanted to hate this show... but in the end I couldn't. The show is everything you think it is. It's basically scummy ambulance chasing defense attorneys handling high profile cases in Las Vegas. I mean seriously, these guys are not set up to be angels. They manipulate and gamble the way to the verdicts they want, and honestly, it was entertaining to see it happen.

The show stars Jerry O'Connell and Jim Belushi, and I'm pretty sure that paring is a dark omen for things to come, yet both give it there all as basically bottom feeding jerks. I guess it wasn't too much of a stretch for either as an actor.

The always entertaining Stephen Root guest stars in the pilot as a judge who blatantly can't stand being a judge in Vegas. My suggestion to the show's creators is to make him a permanent cast member if they can afford them, he's a good foil to the amoral centers of the show.

I think what ties this together, what makes it work is similar to what I said about Lone Star. This show isn't trying to make you like these guys, and it doesn't sugar coat it either.

I'm not going to recap the plot, it's seriously one you've seen on countless other lawyer shows but this time it's Vegas baby, all the way.

Give it a download and check it out, you probably won't find anything great, but you might be surprised that it is entertaining. I

wouldn't reserve a spot on your DVR though, with this cast's track record, I'm not sure it will make it to June.

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: Part 7, Lone Star

2010-09-27T22:11:00.000-07:00

From Texas Marshals, to Texas con men, we have Fox's newest drama Lone Star. This is another show that worried me from the outset. The basic premise is about a young con man who has set up two different lives for himself in Texas, both of which are not supposed to be real relationships, merely marks for him and his father to screw over and then skip out on. The problem is, our young con Bob Allen (played by James Wolk), is trying to get out of the business because he has fallen in love with both his targets.

The part that makes me reluctant to jump on board I'm truthfully not sure how sustainable that plot is. It sounds like the plot of movie, but for a show that could possibly last for years, I'm not sure I can see fully where it'd go down the line.

Reluctancies aside, this was my second favorite pilot I've watched so far. Directed by Marc Webb (500 Days of Summer and the upcoming Spider-man reboot) and written by Kyle Killen (the upcoming The Beaver directed by Jodi Foster), the episode is is both tense and dramatic at points, clever and quick witted at others. The use of the hand held camera, which on another show might have felt over played, really helped the feel of the show, drawing out the tension in scenes which might have felt a little flat.

One scene in particular struck me that if it'd been handled differently (different director, less competent scripting, worse actors) it might have come off as hollow. The scene in question occurs midway through the episode when Bob is warned by his father John (David Keith) that he has to leave one of his lives behind. While running away he stops at a gas station and witness a parallel version of himself and his father when the clerk working there is bullied by his own father. The scene could have been hokey, but with the perfect mix of direction, understated scripting, and Wolk's genuine likability, the scene is pulled off masterfully.

Speaking of Wolk, he is perfectly cast as Bob Allen, and he plays him both a suave and gentle businessman, and as a guy who's con career and double life seem to be tearing him up. Besides, in a season flood with despicable and terrible peopl

e in what should be noble jobs (lawyers, doctors, cop) it's nice to see someone so seemingly virtuous in a terrible occupation.

Keith and Jon Voight are also stand outs in the cast. Both of the veteran film actors have these larger than life presences and really command the attention in every scene they're in.

I don't want to say too much more as a lot of the pilot should just be watched through from start to finish and enjoyed thoroughly. Unfortunately due to poor ratings they are already predicting an early death for this show. What a shame.

I'd say you should definitely set your DVR to catch this show, while you still can.

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: Part 6, Chase

2010-09-27T20:11:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I decided I wanted watch as many pilots as I

could this year and then write them up, but I think it's an attempt on my part to be a little more open minded. I mean, there are hundreds of pilots made each year, and about twenty of them actually make it to television. So these must be the best of the best, right? Every year I ignore countless shows because they just look terrible, even if they are the only survivors rescued from the sea of lost shows.

Not this year though, this year I will seek to find out what makes these special and what sets them apart. In some cases I'm proven wrong for judging shows, and I find myself liking one I most likely would have never given a second thought about. In the case of Chase though, I was 100% right.

Chase started promising, with a kinetic (you guessed it) chase between out lovable white hats U.S. Marshals Annie Frost (Kelli Giddish) and Jimmy Godfrey (Cole Hauser) and some random black hat. Who he is is unimportant, it's just an opening sequence, and effects the plot in no way shape or form. In fact, had the rest of the show been like the opening sequence, I may have liked it better.

I wasn't that lucky though. Instead what is presented is another run of the mill cop drama except this time, they're super cops. In fact, Frost gets offended when compared to her comrades in blue.

"Big difference between us and the police. They care about where he's been, we care about where he's goin'."

You tell 'em Annie! It's not important to try and figure out what he's doing in an attempt to catch him, instead just make wild inferences as to what he might do.

It's that logic that rules the show, as characters jump to wild conclusions instead of basing their finds on some sort of clue or evidence. The episodes main baddie is a Waylon Jennings fan, and based on that the Marshals draw up an entire profile. Later in the episode, Annie sees a girl staring at the suspect in his high school yearbook, that must be his high school girlfriend. Those kind of logic leaps are insulting to the audience's intelligence, set up to make people feel dumb when there really is no thread lines leading you to figure it out on your own anyways.

Also, are all the baddies going to be Hannibal Lecter caliber geniuses? If so, I'm just going to say this show is not set in reality. Sure, not all criminals are stupid, but if they're all as smart and calculating as they made this guy seem, these Marshals are pretty fucked.

Kelli Giddish was probably the most interesting thing in the pilot. She has this flat monotonic way of delivering all her lines that drew me and and made her seem more interesting than the character supplied to her. Still, this quality may be more of a turn off for some other viewers.

I'd say it's better off to ignore this show, there's better shows set in Texas on network TV this year.

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: Part 5, The Event

2010-09-26T11:16:00.000-07:00

This pilot was so much more blah than it was an "event". It's not really as though the show is that bad, it's more that it was

mostly nothing. A total of forty-two minutes (that's minus commercials) of nothing.

The fluke popularity of Lost has unfortunately left networks looking for the next big genre show that will keep them in the black. This twisted thought process becomes comedic when you look at the grave yard of high concept sci-fi/fantasy shows canceled before they could even fully leave the gate. Show's like Flashforward, The Invasion, Terminator, Dollhouse, Life on Mars, Jericho, Pushing Daisies, Kings, Surface, Firefly, Threshold, and Journeyman are just a few. In fact, using google alone I'm sure you'd find more dead TV shows than Wayne Gacy had floorboards for.

This is not to say that this is Lost's fault, like I said, that show's popularity was pretty unique. The problem lies with the networks who are now trying all they can to fill that void left by the show, and in order to do so, they think they have to keep cloning it over and over and over again.

One of the biggest problems with The Event is that it's trying so hard to be mysterious that it forgets it also needs to be entertaining. Most of the characters in the pilot only speak in pronouns, i.e., "Did you tell him about the event?"

"I haven't told him yet."

It's not enough to just not tell your audience things, in a mystery you have to make them curious to figure out what's going on, and there was really nothing to draw anyone in.

Not even the characters ended up being very interesting. This is a problem compounded by the constant jumping around in time. Non-linear storytelling isn't an easy thing to do, but there were so many shifts between different hours leading up to the so called event that you never really got a feel for the characters. In fact the only thing we learned about the leads so far are: one's in love, one's a secretive dick, oh an the president is Cuban (a fact that they repeated in just about every scene involving him. We get it, the dude's heritage lies outside the U.S., let it go.)

As for the plot, it's pretty basic. A man's soon to be fiance disappears while they are vacationing, which in some way leads him to attempting to highjack a plane. Said plane is actually being highjacked by the missing not quite a fiance yet's father who's a pilot and seemingly being forced to do this. The reason for the highjacking? To crash it into the president who's visiting a secret CIA facility that's hiding some prisoners. *SPOILER* Then, right before impact, they plane disappears through some sort of portal.

Wait, none of this is basic at all.

Admittedly written out, while confusing sounding, it's not the worst plot idea I've ever seen. Most of the problems come, as I said before, from the execution of the pilot. Also, if the show gets much further, I hope someone tells Jason Ritter that there are other facial expressions than just constipated.

On a scale of DVR, Download, or Ignore, I'd say give it a download and see if it's for you. I won't be coming back to find out more, this 'event' just didn't grab me.

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: Part 4, Raising Hope

2010-09-23T21:54:00.001-07:00

Ugh, I didn't even want to write about this one. This show was the worst. At least Hawaii 5-0 had some ok direction.

Raising Hope concerns a white trash family full of morons who have no urge to raise themselves from the depths of stupidity they have sunk. The plots simple, Jimmy, the youngest son of the family has become a single dad after he sleeps with a murderer, knocks her up, and she fries for her crimes.

He lives at home with his classless parents, senile grandmother, and in the most topical character of all, his raver cousin (hello 1999). The series was created by Gregory Thomas Garcia, mastermind behind other TV crimes such as My Name is Earl (which was only charming because of the cast) and Yes, Dear.

Listen, I see what the show was attempting to do, low class sitcoms have been around for ages. However, what made them work was a certain sense of charm. Yes Married with Children was crass, but there was enough to keep the audience vested and laughing. When the best jokes you can think of for the pilot of you new sitcom is people throwing up on a baby, and calling the child Princess Beyoncé (topical!) for the pilot, maybe you need to take a couple more passes at the script.

The worst insult is that the cast contains legendary comedic actress Cloris Leachman who is doing nothing but slumming on this show. I get it, old people doing seemingly obscene things is hilarious (is it?) but maybe we could try giving her good material instead. Other members of the cast being wasted on this dreck are Garret Dillahunt , who recently had an awesome turn on Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles, and Martha Plimpton (The Goonies).

The one redeeming quality of the show was the music. It's rare you hear The Dead Milkmen on network TV.

Seriously, clear it off your DVR, avoid it on the Download sites, just Ignore it and pretend it never happened.

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: Part 3, Mike & Molly

2010-09-22T22:14:00.000-07:00

I'll admit it, I went into this with a bias. You see, Mike & Molly was created by the same people who brought the world Two and Half Men. That's right, the horsemen ushering in the apocalypse created another sitcom. Two and Half Men is the dregs of television. It's a terribly telegraphed show, filled with jokes that were old when George Burns was in diapers, and rounded out by the most obnoxious cast currently on TV (close one Gossip Girl). So, as you can see, I have little to no faith in Mark Roberts and Chuck Lorre. I however must say I was a little surprised.

The first scene is awful truthfully. We're introduced to Officer Mike (Billy Gardell) and his partner played by Reno Wilson at a diner. Unfortunately for the beginning of a sitcom, nary a laugh is to be had. Hopefully this diner is an aspect of the show that is dumped after the first episode.

Things change fast though as we are introduced to Molly played by Gilmore Girls alum Melissa McCarthy. McCarthy has this amazing ability to be charming no matter what comes out of her mouth, so even if the jokes she's reciting seem played, they still bring a smile to your face. It also doesn't hurt that her mother is played by Swoosie Kurtz, who is most recently a Pushing Daisies alum and comedy gold mine.

Where was I? Oh right, the show. Mike and Molly both attend a weekly over eaters anonymous meeting where they meet, and their courtship essentially starts. This forum could be an interesting device for the show, as it allows both characters to pretty much do a two minute stand up routine to mixed results.

Still, the show really wasn't that bad. Sure it's a little contrived, and yes not every joke hit a bullseye (seriously, they need to get rid of the diner), but ti did surprise me. I was happy to find that not every joke was a fat joke, and while there were plenty, there was still a lot of room for other bits of comedy. There were also a couple moments of pathos that I wasn't expecting at all, and while both ended with a punch-line, the impact was still made.

While I probably won't really be returning to the series, I can definitely say it's better than that other Roberts and Lorre production. On a scale of DVR, Download, or Ignore it, I'd say it's a solid download. Even if you don't like it, McCarthy will still be able to charm you with her smile.

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: Part 2, Boardwalk Empire

2010-09-22T20:49:00.000-07:00

Wow. Honestly I'm not sure what I can add to the discourse that hasn't been said already. The show comes from the combined powers of The Sopranos' Terence Winter and Academy Award winning director Martin Scorsese, and it's pretty impressive to boot.

Scorsese helmed the pilot and it has all the style and class of his films (however that's not so surprising when you consider the 50 million dollar price tag the show came with).

Set at the start of prohibition, the show's main lead "Nucky" Thompson, played by the always talented Steve Buscemi, has set himself up as equal parts mobster and politician to Atlantic City. The rest of the cast is rounded out by Michael Pitt as Nucky's right hand man and driver who's looking to make a bigger name for himself in the criminal ruling class, Michael Shannon as a temperance agent working to bring down Nucky's empire, and Kelly Macdonald as a battered wife who is trying to better her life with a little assistance from Nucky.

Truthfully, I really don't want to spoil too much more of the show other than that (which you probably could have gleamed from commercials).

The pilot is deftly handled, funny, pretty violent at points, and beautifully shot on a intricacy recreated 1920's Atlantic City boardwalk set (re: 50 million dollar budget). There's also a lot of room let to go in several directions, making the world of bootlegging booze and organized crime wide open for exploration. There's also some unexpected cameo's from some famous criminals of the era (which felt more plot oriented, and less like a stunt as some reviewers have suggested).

Buscemi balances a good bit of showmanship and menace. I know many people who seem to have a problem with his performance. While I suppose I can see what they are saying, I'd suggest checking out the scene where Nucky is confronted in his casino by Macdonald's husband. He goes from frustration to menace is a nanosecond, and then back without out missing a beat.

My only suggestion would be more Michael Shannon. He's an amazing actor, and is used pretty sparingly in the pilot (though his scene where he attempts to describe member's of the show's criminal elements to his partner over the phone was pretty hilarious) . Hopefully his character leads to more interesting and exciting story lines as the show progresses.

I'd say on the scale of DVR, Download, or Ignore it, I'd start making space on your DVR Sunday nights, because this show's a keeper.

Gavin watches some pilots so you don't have to: Part 1, Hawaii Five-0

2010-09-21T13:32:00.000-07:00

Hawaii Five-0:

Incase you didn't know, Hawaii is is this bright but dark place, filled with terrorists, sex slaves, and tortured yet fearless cops teetering on the edge of sanity; also known as an hour of my life I can never get back.

This ridiculously bad remake of the 1960's/70's series, masterminded by Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci (sure, they wrote the new Star Trek, but they also brought us Transformers and it's sequel), introduces us to a new "tougher" Det. Steve McGarrett (Alex O'Loughlin) who works as a Navy SEAL hunting down terrorists who are either the best lucky charms leprechaun impersonators, or just really bad at Irish accents. It's not enough for McGarrett to just be a good cop in 2010, no siree, he has to be haunted. You see, in the opening of the show these fake irish terrorists shoot his dear old dad in the head (played by Death from Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, William Sadler you are better than this!).

Between the death of McGarrett's father and escape of one of the terrorists in Hawaii (genre favorite James Marsters, [you are also better than this!!]), the Governor (Jean Smart) decides it's prudent to make McGarrett the head of a task force to hunt said terrorist down, deputizing him very professionally over the phone. Seriously.

From there we are introduced to all the other inconsequential characters. Scott Caan (Ocean's 11,12,13) portrays Det. Dan Williams, and the whole time you can just tell he wishes someone like Scorsese would just come along and launch his career like they did for dear old dad.
Then there's Lost and Angel star Daniel Dae Kim as Chin Ho Kelly, however he's trying something new for this character. This time he's going to act as though he's read lines from a cue card with no emotion at all. Truthfully though, he isn't given much to work with. Here's a sample of the dialog on the show:

McGarrett: Heard you became a cop?

Chin Ho: I worked with your father in the 7th. He taught me everything I know about wearing a badge.

McGarrett: Looks like you've moved on to greener pastures.

Chin Ho: Let's just say the Honolulu PD and I had a disagreement over my job description. But your father understood, he was very good to me after I was let go. He stayed my friend and I know that cost him something. I only wish there was some way I could pay him back... Now that you're here, maybe you can do something.

Yup. Listen, I don't expect every TV show to be Shakespeare, but come on, my deadgrandmother writes better dialog (hmmm maybe I should sell the idea of a geriatric ghost that works as a staff writer on a contrived cop show to Kurtzman and Orci, sounds write up their ally).

Finally rounding out the cast is Battlestar Galactica's Grace Park (YOU'RE BETTER THEN THIS!!!) as the rookie detective Kona.

See, she's inexperienced, but it's ok because she looks great in a bikini and after surfing she assaults a guy for no reason in full view of the police. Sexy and tough, just the way a lady on TV should be. Women's lib's groups look out.

Len Wiseman of Underworld fame (if you can call that fame) directs the pilot which is riddled with sloppy dialog, terrible cliché's, and the worst accents to grace the small screen since the first time Breakfast and Tiffany's was aired on television.

To top that all off SPOILER ALERT, the main baddie (Marsters) is shot at the end, falls into the water, and they can't seem to recover a body. Shocking. I'm not sure if the show is meant to be a joke, but if it's not, boy do they have a lot of work to do.

In terms of DVR it, Download it, or ignore it, I'd say this is a big ignore it folks.

Didn’t want to be your ghost, didn’t want to be anybody’s ghost…

2010-09-07T12:56:00.001-07:00

I am a walking talking container of information that no one would ever possibly need. That’s not an insult, just a sad truth about my current state.

I love information, any information that I can get my hands on in fact. I have no idea why either, I just like knowing stuff (while diamonds are incredibly hard, they will evaporate when introduced to an extreme temperature).

It’s not that I want to feel better or smarter then others, I suppose I just don’t like being the dumb one in the room.

I remember back in grade school I was given a test to see if I was smart enough for a program entitled “Young Scholars”. This program was basically for advanced kids, and it allowed them to skip Friday classes for a more advanced learning experience of some such nonsense. While I have always considered myself intelligent, I must not have been smart enough to impress the test proctor. One question has stuck with me through the years, what may be the only question I remember being asked from the test, what is the correct name for a fish scientists? (For those keeping score they’re called Ichthyologists.) How it was expected that the eight year old version of myself might have known that specific answer, frankly I have no clue. Maybe the bowl cut made it seem as though I was really into marine biology.

Still, I have been wondering lately if I use my daily info intake as a way to keep from engaging with people. Every time I strike up a conversation with someone, I find myself wondering if I’m saying anything of merit or if they just continue to talk to me because they enjoy a constant stream of pop culture references (Can I get a whoa Bundy?) or obscure facts (President Garfield only spent four months in office before being shot by Charles Guiteau.)

Perhaps this is the reason I’m pretty forgettable. I make it easy on people as I’ never suppling people with anything that is of personal substance. This makes be a pretty solitary figure, and I don’t blame people for not really connecting with me because I’m not really giving them anything to hold on to with…(a handy guide to remembering king Henry VIII’s wives is: divorced,executed, died, divorced, executed, died).

The internet has made this so much easier on me too, perhaps not in a good way. Not only is it a fountain of information (unfortunately a lot of bullshit too), it also gives us the illusion of remaining in contact with people we’re in all honesty not. I stay in contact with friends through blogs, tumblr, facebook, you name it, but I’m not actually engaging these people in a social manner. I have some really good, close friends that I haven’t spoken to in months because it’s easier for me just to check there facebook status then it is for me to attempt to call them.

That’s my fault definitely, but I can’t help think the internet is my facilitator. It gives us the illusion that we interacting. It makes us believe that the fictional world of the internet, with all it’s adorable pictures and inside remarks, that we are having and maintaining real friendships.

Trust me, those people that are adding you because they recognize you from high school, most of them are not your friends. They don’t even know you, and you definitely don’t know them.

When someone asks me, “so what’s new with you?” I’m usually at a loss for answer. Do they really want to hear, “well I finished the season of that genre TV show I’ve been watching, read a couple chapters of a novel, attempted to write for a while but got distracted by the internet and read a really interesting article on why cold fusion is probably a myth. Want to hear a funny joke?” Somehow I’m pretty sure this is not what they are looking for, so usually a “nothing” suffices.

It’s one thing to try and be mysterious, to want to be the that tall dark Don Draper-esque stranger (pop culture reference!), but sometimes I fear that my verbal vomit of useless things makes me less intriguing and more of a novelty. If that’s the case, I can’t really blame anyone for not feeling connected to me. Truthfully, I’d forget a person like that too.

Seriously though, did you know this was the hottest recorded summer in NYC ever? Wakka wakka wakka.

Happy Anniversary

2010-03-30T12:19:00.000-07:00

Twenty years ago today, a comic book film came out and changed the face of independent film, but that's not what this is about.

I was in the hospital when I when I first saw this poster. It was an ad, placed between the pages of an issue of Green Arrow I was reading at the time. I'm really not sure what I was in the hospital for, I was sick a lot as a kid, so it could be a number of reasons, but I can remember the issue of Green Arrow was #29, written by Mike Grell. It's strange how the memory works.

At that age, I never realized how scary it was to have someone go into the hospital, so I can't imagine what it was like for my parents having me in there so much. I can however see now why that when I showed my dad the ad for the live action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie coming out the next month, he was so determined to take me.

We tried first on opening night, Friday March 30, 1990. My dad, my two older sisters and I waited in the longest line I had ever seen for movie (and still have if my memory isn't playing tricks on me). The line stretched from inside the small Route 9 cinemas (the only theater playing it near by) all the way around the building almost twice. There was little to no chance of getting in, but we waited patiently. Unfortunately we arrived too late it seemed, and we were turned away.

The next day ended in a similar fashion for our motley crew, arriving to a massive line, and being rejected before we even got close to the door. My dad, who was never known for his patients said we could try again on Sunday, but that was it.

Sunday didn't look like it was going to be any better at first, but the line moved quickly, and we had succeeded in making it into the theater, popcorn and all.

I still think of the film fondly, but not as fondly as I think on the experience of trying just to get in to see it. I had always thought that my dad had wanted to see the movie too, that's why he was so determined to make sure we got in. I now realize, that's probably not the case at all. It was most likely because he wanted to do something for his sick kid. In the end it beats spending time in the hospital.

A Month Late

2010-02-27T17:22:00.000-08:00

I had originally posted this elsewhere, but it expresses my thoughts at the time of the whole Leno/Conan debacle.

I think what makes Conan special is that for many of us he was our generation’s talk show host. Sure, I remember Johnny Carson’s last show being a big deal, but I was too young to truly comprehend what that meant. He was the host that our parents grew up with, and saying goodbye to something that becomes a routine is hard. It sounds stupid, but television, as an art form, has impacted our society. I remember growing up and hating Jay Leno. I never found him funny, and neither did the rest of my family. He was a cheap Atlantic City sideshow act that had some how weaseled himself into the best and most iconic job a comedian can hope to land. Even with that I remember waiting up (even when my bed time was 9:00 PM) to watch Conan. There was just something about him. He truly understood what made young people laugh.

I always thought he was the natural successor to The Tonight Show, and when it was turned over to him, it felt right. I can’t say I watched it a lot, I haven’t had cable for almost a year, but I tried to catch it as much as I could and in any format I could. I know Conan will land on his feet, and whatever he does will wind up being amazing and hopefully successful. Still it’s sad to see NBC, or as Leno put it, the Titanic, sink this low, because in truth all the twenty and thirty something’s already got off the boat, and it looks like we’re never coming back.

The Shallow end of the Island

2010-02-21T11:36:00.000-08:00

I warn you now going in, this is to be a discussion of the film Shutter Island. I will try to avoid spoilers for all of you out there who might happen to peruse this post, there will be several allusions to the end of the film, so if you are any good at all at deductive reasoning, please stop here.

With that being written, we shall move on with the subject at hand.

Scorsese’s most recent opus Shutter Island opened its gates for viewing this weekend at the theaters, and even though it won the weekend box office, it has been plagued by less than favorable reviews. Personally I enjoyed the film, however, if you think I’m going to defend it based on plot alone, think again.

Scorsese has done a wonderful job with this film, shooting it with such grace and curbing a fair amount of style from Hitchcock, and populating it with actors just performing their little hearts it, it’s hard not to like. But I can understand why most people have come away from the experience feeling a bit left down. You see, even if the parts are these wonderful shiny things, the heart of the piece, or in this case the plot is this awful broken thing.

In truth, I refuse to blame Scorsese for this one. From prior experience I think the full weight falls on author Dennis Lehane. Lehane is the author of such novels as Mystic River, Gone Baby Gone, and the aft mentioned Shutter Island. While Mystic River, which was turned into a wonderful film by Clint Eastwood, plays out nicely, Lehane’s other novels flaws have become all too apparent on film. Gone Baby Gone, which is a film I actually like very much, unfortunately fails in its narrative when you start to apply a little thing called logic to it.

SPOILERS FOR GONE BABY GONE FOLLOW:

Gone Baby Gone goes wrong when it’s revealed that an elaborate kidnapping plot has been set up by the head of a police department (Morgan Freeman) so he can have custody of said kidnapped child. However, in the real world, being the head of a police department, it’s more believable that had Freeman just filled out an adoption form, he would have been awarded custody away from the child’s drug addled and criminal mother.

END SPOILER

Shutter Island suffers from the same problem. Without saying too much, the film falls apart in the end as it’s quite impossible for any human to believe what we are told in the end. First of all it’s too simple, and while the clues in the film seemed to be placed throughout the piece, in the end they mostly do not matter one bit. In fact the revelation of the truth in the film creates a massive amount of plot holes which could easily have lead to a more intelligent ending, instead of going for the obvious. In a sense, it’s exactly what you think it is.

Second besides becoming preposterously unbelievable, it commits one of the cardinal sins of film: it completely invalidates everything you have just seen. Most scenes in the film (the ones that are not even plot holes) just end up becoming moot. I personally am not a fan of seeing a film that tells me, “Oh yeah, that last two hours of things we showed you, none of that mattered at all.” Without the Mise en scène and the highly crafted direction, I could have been staring at a blank screen throughout the film and gotten the same affect.

Last, the film without the hand of such a talented cast in crew would is a film I’ve personally seen several times before. The plot has been used over and over and over again, so going for such a simple twist instead of being an actual mystery was very disheartening.

Before I go though, I would like to touch on the subject of criticism. You see, it doesn’t seem that nowadays you can form an opinion that is anything other than good or bad. There is no gray area anymore, just black and white. However, I disagree with this. As I said before I like Shutter Island, and though I’ve weighed some heavy accusations against it, I still had a decent time watching the film. I know that seems impossible to some readers, how can I like something that’s flawed?? Well guess what, just like people, most movies are not perfect.

I guess you can say in that way I am a little shallow. It’s like when you find a person attractive completely based off looks alone. That’s Shutter Island for me. It’s gorgeous, but there’s not a lot going on up stairs.

Did I Mention...

2009-10-14T22:26:00.000-07:00

I love Bored to Death?

"You People"

2009-10-13T14:46:00.000-07:00

I am an avid viewer of Mad Men. I believe that right now it could be the best series on Television. I am often astounded by the popularity of a show that focuses so much more on character then plot (that's not say that there is no plot which there is plenty of). Still, even after my years of television viewing expertise (trust me, I have a bunch), I love it when a show is able to shock me. This past week, Mad Men managed this with one simple phrase. I originally wrote this as a response to friend who does not watch the show but wanted to know why I was so put off by this phrase. In the end though, I think I worked out why my initial reaction may have been way off:

The thing that got me on Mad Men was that Don fired Sal, the closeted homosexual on the show (or at least refused to save him from being fired). You see, Sal was recently promoted by Don to commercial director, as being an artist for the company seemed to be being phased out. Commercials are on the rise (it's now 1963) so print media is on a down turn as TV stock goes up. While directing a commercial Sal was hit on by a male client. Still being closeted, Sal turned him down, and because of that the client told the Sterling Cooper (The ad company) he wanted Sal fired. The company did just that, and Sal went to Don for help.

The problem is this, Don knows about Sal. Through a series of events he accidently caught Sal with another man (What was Sal's first and only encounter that we have seen). So when Sal asked Don for a reprieve, Don didn't understand why Sal didn't just whore himself out for the company. Afterall it is a $25 million dollar campaign (once again '63!). When Sal insisted he's a married man, Don utters, "You people" and promptly tells him this was the way it had to be.

Still, upon further reflection I don't think "You people," meant what I thought it meant at the time. Obviously black's/women's/gay's rights have been in the forefront of the show, it's set in the 60's after all, but I think the utterance of this horrible phrase was a red herring for the audience looking for a quick shock. Mad Men is a pretty nuanced show, and often times a word or phrase can mean a lot more then what it sounds like.

So here's my theory:

1. Don has been frustrated with his team this entire season. I'm not sure I've seen him push the people he works with harder then he has this year. On top of that, he has put a lot of faith in them, and given them opportunities he never would have in the past (such as promoting Sal). On the flip side of that, they've done nothing but disappoint, from Paul's flippant attitude about the Madison Square Garden account, to the infamous Lawn Mower accident of a couple weeks ago, even to the disappointment of Pepsi over Sal's Patio commercial. Don has been stretched pretty thin at work. Not to mention he has a lot more riding on things now that he's tied to a three year contract at Sterling Cooper. "You people," could easily be a stand in for those around Don, not a remark about Sal's sexuality.

2. Sal betrays Don with one phrase, "I'm married." Since the inception of the series Don has philandered several times, and rarely is he made to feel bad about it. He's a man of many secrets, and he's addicted to keeping those secrets. Yet with Sal, he knows the one thing that could destroy him, so Sal in turn becomes an equal. It doesn't matter that Sal wants to bang guys, it's the fact that he's leading a double life just like Don. However, when Sal attempts to hide behind his marriage, something that is a complete sham, Don no longer feels he can protect him. Sal becomes just as bad as everyone, no longer trust worthy and just as awful as the rest of the world Don shuts out. He's one of "those people".

Welcome to my Life.

2009-10-07T11:03:00.001-07:00

Rules of buying a suit (for heavyset fellas)

2009-09-29T10:42:00.000-07:00

1. Know your pant size.

2. Your dress pant size is going to be one size bigger. This will make you feel like shit. Ignore it, you have a suit to buy.

3. Blue might be stylish, but black and pinstripe are much more slimming.

4. The white shirt will make you look fat, but this is why they invented the black vest.

5. Make sure the cuff of your coat reaches down to the middle of hand when you are standing tall, if not, when you move, the sleeve will ride up your arm, and make you look like the Hulk permanently trapped mid transformation. No one wants that.

6. Keep an eye out for sales (this is a general rule).

7. Try not to get too skinny of a tie if you intend to take off your coat/vest a lot. This could lead to you looking like a giant in a dwarf's tie.

These rules should lead to you looking good and generally leaving a store happy and the proud owner of a nice new suit.

Now do something about your hair, stupid.

The Evidence

2009-09-20T16:25:00.000-07:00

As I walked home from the bus at 7:30 this morning, I happened upon a smashed cassette tape littered in front of my apartment building. As I looked at the tape strewn across the sidewalk I sadly mused to myself that someone had destroyed part of their memories. Unbeknownst to me, they were watching from above, thinking. "good riddance to the evidence..."

Get Ready for your Closeup

2009-09-18T15:08:00.001-07:00

You can find more at: FFFFOUND!

Happy Birthday Dad

2009-09-16T23:49:00.000-07:00

Last week my car was broken into. For a frame of reference, I live about one hundred and seventy seven miles away from my car, so I'm not really worried about anything that was in it. I was however worried for my mother when I heard what had happened. The car resides with her, in her driveway, in one of the safest towns in America, so I had no choice but to worry. I have always known my mother to be a strong woman, but it seems little fears have ensnared pieces of my brain ever since I lost my father.
   In fact the only thing I could worry about that was still left in my car was a NERF Ballzooka that had been sitting on the floor of the back seats for about three years. My father had bought me two Ballzookas at the age of twelve, and we'd often fire them randomly at each other during the day if we found them close at hand. I had decided that perhaps my car was the best place to keep it, just in case I found myself ambushed by my father after arriving home late from a friends house, or perhaps getting home in the morning when I used to work overnights at a news station.
   That's the sort of person my father was. He was the kind of guy that would wait in the hallway, behind a door so that you couldn't see him, then he'd jump out and scare you. It was the sort of thing that always made me smile no matter how bad my day had been.
   I guess this is why I was more worried about this one toy being taken from my car then the tape player/radio combo that actually ended up being stolen.
   It's a strange part of the human condition that we start to associate objects with people. It seems odd, but it is almost as if when we lose that object, the person starts to really die.
   You have to understand, I do get it. My father is dead. I can't see him anymore. I can't shoot him with foam balls that come out the end of children's toy, I will never get to hear his laughter after he jumps out from behind a door and scares me, even if I knew he was there to begin with. Still these little things, these souvenirs of a life that we keep, take on a meaning that can never be explained.
   The last time saw my aunts on my fathers side, they told me they were worried about my father. They thought he was still depressed over his mothers death which had occurred in 2002.

   I wonder if that's how I'll be thought of now by those around me. It doesn't bother me as much as it worries me that it's true. I have been depressed about his death since the moment it happened.
   Over the last two years of his life, my father was home all of the time. He no longer had a job, so he was busy raising my niece, his granddaughter, with my mother. I never liked this idea, because I felt my parents were past the point in which they were supposed to be raising children. They should have been out having fun, going on trips, seeing movies. In the end tough, it was better this way. My niece has had the two best surrogate parents anyone could wish for.
However, it was during that time period I had moved to New York City in hopes of finding a job opportunity in film. Even at my worst times though, (and trust me, trying to find a job in film, there are some pretty bad times) I knew I could call him, at any moment, and he'd pick up. I find myself still doing that every now and then, knowing full well that there can never be this voice on the other end of the phone that I so long to hear.
   I look back at this essay, and I know any professor would say I've lost my focus. This was supposed to be about a car being broken into. While this is true, it's not honest. The car is just another object that reminds me that my father isn't there anymore. It's just another piece of my father that's left behind. The fact that it can be so easily violated, tainted in such a way... Well, it makes me worry. I worry for my home, and for my mother being alone there; but most selfishly I worry about myself, and a memory attached to a toy my daddy bought me...

Imagine

2008-12-29T10:40:00.001-08:00

John Lennon has seemingly come back from the dead in a new ad for the non profit charitable organization One Laptop Per Child. It's a nice ad and completely supported by Yoko Ono. You can check the ad out here, and then if you like, hop on over to the site and donate some.

In Memoriam

2008-12-22T20:03:00.000-08:00

Well, it's getting towards the end of the year, and Turner Classic Movies has released their TCM Remembers segment, giving a final send off to those in the entertainment industry who have died over the past year. Well most of didn't know these people except for their work, that's how we'll remember them. Here's the somber spot. It's both beautiful and heart breaking.

Raison D'etre

2008-12-11T06:33:00.000-08:00

I haven't gotten a lot of sleep over the past few days (the end of a year is kind of a big thing in the news business), but this got me up and going this morning. If you have one reason to get out of bed today let this be it.

Leaving Boston

2008-12-07T16:30:00.000-08:00

Two nights ago marked the the death of one of my favorite Television shows: Boston Legal. If you haven't had a chance to check it out, well frankly you really should have, it's been on for five years. The show, while always heavy handed when it needed to be, it never once faltered in the writing department. The only way to explain my love for the show is to start at the very beginning (that's a very good place to start!)

Boston Legal originated as a spin off from David E. Kelley's legal procedural drama, The Practice. I actually was a fan of the practice. it was dark at times, off beat always and chock full of interesting personalities. However, when it reached it's final seasons, it became very clear that it was time to go. The characters all became despicable, lacking anything that made them likeable. That's not to say having a likeable character is a necessity to good TV. I find all the entire cast of several well rated shows vapid and annoying. However, these characters had become the complete opposites of who they were, and the further the show went on, the faster they seemed to lose their souls. Luckily in the last season they added this remarkable character full of charm and charisma, and even his own set of quirks an demons. That character was Alan Shore. he was fresh and ripe, and incredibly likable, and yet his presence alone couldn't save the show. It became clear that his character would flourish better somewhere else.

Luckily, that's just was Mr. Kelley came up with, a spin off that would carry Mr. Shore far away from the banal drama that The Practice had morphed into, to the ... well irreverent dramedy of Boston Legal. Kelley even used the last episodes of The Practice to launch his new show, and frankly it was a fantastic idea.

Over the last five years the show has truly flourished, and I could write for days about it, especially with all the amazing cases, all the witty dialog, and all the truly inspiring out of the norm characters.

While I wanted to end this with a series of clips demonstrating the genius of the show, there really aren't that many out there. So I'd just like to say my thanks to the cast, writers, and creators of the show for the amazing job they did. Also, I wish Denny and Alan the best in their marriage.

Keeping Up Appearances

2008-12-03T10:41:00.000-08:00

Sorry, it's been forever since I have updated. Those of you who must know of my personal life, in one week I managed to go from the proud owner of two computers, to the owner of two broken computers. I hope to have one soon.

In the mean time, you can check out another blog I've been writing over at Zoom In Online. The first in my weekly series of articles is about the Robert Altman film Secret Honor. Check it out in the You Really Need to See This section.

Love,
Gavin

P.S. Don't make me angry...

The needs of the many...

2008-10-15T22:20:00.001-07:00

Star Trek Media Blitz! Paramount has release several images from the new J.J. Abrams helmed Star Trek film, but instead of going to several sites, you can see them all here!

Москва, я люблю тебя.

2008-08-24T18:52:00.000-07:00

"New York I love you" Teaser
by Mollyryan

I’ve still yet to see Paris, Je’Taime (even though I own it), but this made me feel really wierd about the city I live it. It looks either really bad, or really good, I can’t decide.

Back to School

2008-08-02T23:06:00.000-07:00

Years after it was canned, the 4 min promo of the Buffy The Animated Series has made it online. Enjoy!

News of the Weird

2008-07-24T19:18:00.000-07:00

What a strange week it is for movies.

1. A man is now claiming to have found the long lost Lon Chaney Sr. silent film London After Midnight in the MGM vault mislabeled under the name The Hypnotist.

2. Disney debuts a 3 minute clip of Tron 2 (or Tr2n as it was called) which they have been secretly filming in conjunction with Pixar. Footage contained a scene with the Jeff Bridges of 2008 and the Jeff Bridges of 1982.

3. Darren Aronofsky (Pi, Requiem for a Dream, The Fountain) has officially signed on to direct a new Robobcop sequel. Written by David Self (Road to Perdition) picks up the action 20 years after the Robocop program has been suspended.

4. Robert Rodriguez has unveiled the poster for his new pet project and star vehicle for girlfriend Rose McGowen: Red Sonja.

Kitties and their Claws

2008-03-04T20:18:00.000-08:00

Flynetonline has posted some good early looks of Hugh Jackman and Liev Scrieber on the set of X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Scrieber is playing baddie Sabertooth in the film, which should be pretty interesting. Of course this look:

is a far cry from Tyler Mane's look int he first X-Men film:

I must say I prefer Scrieber's look. To see the rest of the photos, follow the link at the top of the page.

Embed Revolution

2008-03-02T19:14:00.000-08:00

NBC has finally decided to join the 21st Century and is now letting you embed videos from their site. The best function of this is SNL can now be posted to other pages. This video is from last night's Saturday Night Live, hosted by Ellen Page (Juno, Hard Candy, the best thing about X-Men III). I haven't laughed this much at a sketch at a long time, especially towards the end.

Sadly NBC hasn't posted last weeks brilliant Virgina Horsen's Hot Air Balloon Rides. If you are out there NBC, get on that.

Back in... Red and Gold?

2008-02-28T20:48:00.000-08:00

At the risk of coming off as a Marvel comics fan boy, a second Iron Man trailer has been released (a shortened version appearing during an episode of this weeks Lost). The film looks like a great comedy/adventure/action/comic book hybrid with some really fun special effects and a set of charming lead actors (except for the more often then not wooden Ms. Paltrow). Let's just hope it's more in the tune of something like Batman Begins, and not Fantastic Four. Without further ado, the current trailer:

Iron Man Exclusive Trailer

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Lost and Gondry

2008-02-22T19:59:00.000-08:00

Be Kind Rewind, French auteur (yes I used a funny word) Michel Gondry's new film comes out this weekend. In honor of that he's released a new and very funny trailer for the film. Here's the original:

And here, for your viewing pleasure is the "sweded" version:

I Get By With a Little Help From my Friends

2008-02-19T17:35:00.000-08:00

Marvel has released some pretty nifty animated toons on their Marvel Kids site. I must say after a little bit of being pissed off at Iron Man's comic book character it's nice to see him in action with some help from a couple of guest stars. Here's all three installments:

Also, just to answer last posts quiz like poster thing:
1.Airplane
2.Alien
3.Weekend at Bernie's
4.Young Frankenstein

I had some others up but I think the website caught on to my bandwidth stealing ways.

So a Polish Guy Walks Into a Theater...

2008-02-11T21:04:00.000-08:00

Earlier this month (February 6th to be exact), a very prominent film-poster artist died unexpectedly by the name of John Alvin. John Alvin of course is known for such fantastic poster work for films such as Blade Runner:

Blazing Saddles:

and E.T.:

This of course is a great loss to the poster art community (yes there is one). However it's not the real reason for this article, but I figured I needed to pay my respects at some point.

So, in finishing that thought, it's on with the show. About a year ago I stumbled on a set of Polish Movie Posters. These are some of the most interesting pieces I've seen when it comes to movie art. You see, without the Hollywood pressure in the way, the artists hired to advertise these films were allowed to be as expressionistic or surreal when selling a film. Actually, there are points when looking at the posters, I wonder if the artists were even told anything about the films they were to advertise. I'm going to put a couple down here, see if you can guess what films they correlate to.

Trailers Trashed

2008-02-06T13:10:00.000-08:00

Now, the original Prom Night (1980) is not a great movie (or really a good movie for that matter), so when I heard they were remaking it my first thought was...why? Sure I get that there are apparently no new ideas left in the world, especially not in Hollywood. The wells run dry I suppose. Still that's not why I sat down to write this. I sat down because I saw the travesty that is the trailer. Here's a look for yourself:

Wow, an emo cover of an 80's song? A bunch of teenagers who look like they'd have trouble acting their way out of a wet paper bag? A total lack of suspense? Perfect!

What the hell happened to trailers, especially horror film trailers? They used to give you a sense of the plot without giving the whole thing away (except for foreign ones but they were still fun in their own sense.)Remember when being rated R was a like a badge of honor for a horror movie? Trailers used to, I don't know, make people want to see their product, and isn't that the point? Here's a look at the original film's trailer. You tell me which film you'd rather see.

Oh and by the way, the tag line of the original earns it major bonus points.

Dun Duh Dun Daaa! Dun Da Duhhh! Dun Duh Dun Daaa!! Dun DuhDa Da Da!!

2008-02-02T17:27:00.000-08:00

Why am I so excited about this?

A Whole New View

2008-02-01T14:53:00.000-08:00

Hey there's this interesing clip from the guys at Aintitcoolnews about the forth coming DVD release of Frank Darabont's film The Mist. I enjoyed the film,(except for the old couple sitting next to me the whole time complaining that "they didn't like the film" and "this is way too dark".Don't they understand not to make me angry yet?) and I'm looking forward to the DVD. So without further ado, here's Mr. Darabont explaining what makes this special editon so special.

Catwoman in Rehab

2008-01-30T14:24:00.000-08:00

Sean Young (Blade Runner, Fatal Instinct) is entering rehab after heckling The Diving Bell and the Butterfly director Julian Schnabel at the DGA awards last saturday. I'm not really taking a stance on the issue, but the video itself is pretty funny.

Sincerity

2008-01-28T16:02:00.001-08:00

Daniel Day-Lewis gave a very heart felt speech at the Screen Actors Guild Awards last night when accepting for his performance in the exceptional There Will Be Blood. I thought it showed true sincerity and respect for a man he says he has never met.

He also had some harsh words for the media afterwards. Some very well deserved words.

TBS

2008-01-27T23:47:00.000-08:00

So it's late, and I'm watching one of the greatest action movies of all time Demolition Man

However one thing is making me angry. It's on TBS, right. Well that means it should start at an :05, and end at a :05 right? When did TBS stop that. I remember when I was a kid that I might miss a few minutes of the Fresh Prince because I was watching something on TBS due to their silly timing system of starting things and ending them on the 5's. I grew to love that silliness, and now, now it's all gone.

You might be "very funny" TBS (hence the Demolition Man) but you're not so unique anymore.

Giant Dork

2008-01-13T15:57:00.000-08:00

So I said I wouldn't use this, but I need a small outlet for the moment. Since I'm sure no one reads this, I'd just like the say:

This is an image from the Star Trek episode "Who Mourns for Adonis". Now I wish I had an image of Adonis force choking Kirk, because that's what this is really about. Kirk gets force choked, and over acts his way through, and it's pretty great. Take that Lucas! That is all, signing off again.

P.S. I may do some movie reviews here... possibly...

Hello

2007-11-08T08:46:00.000-08:00

So hey, I haven't used blogger in over a year, and had to get a new one because I forgot my password. Guess that's how that goes. Anyways, I doubt I'll post much here, because I have to sign with my real name (for reason unto myself alone). If anyone reads this, feel free to say hi.

Best,
Gavin